10/20 homework-3

2010-10-21 · 첨삭 강사 Verna

학생이 쓴 원문

When I work, I rarely talk my personal life or my family to my co-workers. If I tell these things, they could feel that I’m a person to set a high price on family. I hope to be shown professional to them. But when I’m with my family, I also rarely talk to my parents regarding my stress gotten my office. And during weekends, I try to go shipping or have dinner with them. I rarely work at home….^^

강사 첨삭

HI [이름],
  You did a great job! Your compositions are commendable. Keep writing.
Here are my corrections for you. 
When I work, I rarely talk my personal life or my family to my co-workers.
>>When I work, I rarely talk about my personal life or my family to my co-workers.
 If I tell these things, they could feel that I’m a person to set a high price on family.
>> If I would tell these things, they could feel that I'm a person who values my family.
I hope to be shown professional to them.
>>I hope to show professionalism to them.
But when I’m with my family, I also rarely talk to my parents regarding my stress gotten my office.
>>When I'm with my family, I also rarely talk to my parents regarding my stress from my office.
And during weekends, I try to go shipping or have dinner with them.
>>And during weekends, I try to go shopping or have dinner with them.
 I rarely work at home….^^
>>Correct

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