11.29 homework

Hello [이름]!

Thank you for accomplishing yet another composition homework. Your ideas were fun to read and I even found myself agreeing with most of them. The composition was well-organized. Keep up the good work. ^^

~~Teacher Kate

1. If I invent new rides in amusement park, I would invent new rides using VR technology.
>>> If I invent new rides for an amusement park, I would invent new rides using VR technology.
2. Of course, there are already many rides using VR techonology but popularity of it is increasing continuously.
>>> CORRECT!

OR>>> Virtual reality rides are already commonly used but its popularity continues to rise.
3. Additionally, if I use VR technology in inventing new rides, there would be some advantages.
>>> CORRECT!

OR>>> Using VR technology can be advantageous.
4. Firstly, I can mix VR technology with original rides. Then, people could see creative rides.
>>> CORRECT!

OR>>> First, I can integrate VR technology with the traditional rides to make people experience more exciting and creative rides. 
5. I mean, various rides could be invented thanks to VR technology.
>>> CORRECT!

OR>>> With the help of VR technology, a variety of new rides were invented.
6. Secondly, it could be free from the restriction of space because I can create anything I imagine when I use VR technology.

>>> CORRECT!

OR>>> Lastly, it will be not be limited by space restrictions because anything is possible with the use of VR technology.