117. Homework8

2018-05-14 · 첨삭 강사 Rose

학생이 쓴 원문

ESSAY: Do we put too much emphasis on self-reliance and independence, and are we afraid of admitting that we need other people in our lives? Most of the times, I know humans are not able to live themselves since it is hard to stay alone. It’s because people are not a perfect even though they try to be perfect. So people should help protect others mistake and support each other. That’s why I don’t think we need to put too much emphasis on self-reliance and independence. And then, in my opinion, we don't need that we aren't afraid of admitting that we would need other people in our life. However, I don’t like a person who always asks others favor without any effort or have never tried to challenge to get an achievement before asking even once himself. I think they are too much dependence to the others and give burden to their relatives. Moreover, they don't know how much other's time also precious as much as them. Thus, that type of the people should put emphasis on self-reliance and independence themselves.

강사 첨삭

I partially agree that no one can survive alone.

Although we need others sometimes, I believe that there are things which are better done independently.

Have a great day, Jason!

ESSAY: Do we put too much emphasis on self-reliance and independence, and are we afraid of admitting that we need other people in our lives?
>>CORRECT!
Most of the times, I know humans are not able to live themselves since it is hard to stay alone.

>>Most of the time, I know humans are not able to live themselves since it is hard to stay alone.

It’s because people are not a perfect even though they try to be perfect. So people should help protect others mistake and support each other.

>> It’s because people are not perfect even though they try to be perfect, so people should protect each other from making a mistake and support each other.

That’s why I don’t think we need to put too much emphasis on self-reliance and independence.

>>CORRECT!

And then, in my opinion, we don\'t need that we aren\'t afraid of admitting that we would need other people in our life.

>>And then, in my opinion, we don\'t need to be afraid of admitting that we need other people in our life.
However, I don’t like a person who always asks others favor without any effort or have never tried to challenge to get an achievement before asking even once himself.

>> However, I don’t like a person who always asks favor from others without any effort or have never tried to challenge to get an achievement before asking himself even once.

I think they are too much dependence to the others and give burden to their relatives.

>>I think they are too much dependent on others and give burden to their relatives.

Moreover, they don\'t know how much other\'s time also precious as much as them.

>>Moreover, they don\'t know how others\' time is as precious as theirs.

Thus, that type of the people should put emphasis on self-reliance and independence themselves.

>>Thus, that type of people should put emphasis on self-reliance and independence themselves.

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