2/28 homework

Thanks a lot for your opinions [이름]!

Kindly go over the corrections below.

See you on Friday!

~Teacher Shanee^^,

[About the juvenile crime and violence]

This is very serious problem in the whole world nowadays even adults.

>>> This is a very serious problem in the world not only for children but also for adults.
Many teenagers are exposed violence by game or media on online. 

>>> Many teenagers are exposed to violence through games or media online.
Therefore, we become more familiar about violence in the society. 

>>> Correct!
I think that many teenagers can not distinguish perfectly between playing and reality.

>>> I think many teenagers cannot completely / perfectly distinguish games / fantasy from reality.
A few months ago, in Korea, one high school girl killed a unknown girl. 

>>> A few months ago, in Korea, one high school female student killed an unknown girl.
But, she didn\'t have any guilty.

>>> But, she didn\'t feel any remorse.

>>> OR: However, she didn\'t feel guilty.
These abnormal teenagers are growing up to adults. 

>>> OR: Those abnormal teenagers are growing into adults.
 They are making so many social problem about the child abuse or murder.....

>>> They are causing so many social problems related to abuse or murder.
 So, I agree about the strong online regulation for teenagers and real-name system even for adults.

>>> Correct!
 In addition, in the school, the monitoring and counselling should be performed constantly.

>>> Correct!
>>> OR: In addition, in schools, monitoring and counseling should be performed constantly.