(2) investment in the art
학생이 쓴 원문
Furthermore, entertainment serves more than just passing the time. It could also improve the standard of society and lifestyle. People usually relieve stress by watching TV or listening music. People also love to visit museum and gallery to broad viewpoint. A good movie, a funny TV show can help us unwind from work and worries. On top of that, entertainment is not just for fun. It exposes us to new idea, worlds and the ways of thinking. Some scientific concepts even give us opportunities to spark creativity and fuel our imagination. In this way, people could have much more lively life.
In conclusion, there are a lot of benefits of entertainment such as art, music and theaters not just economy aspect but also personal aspect. Arts and Music always bring us much more we expected. Hence, governments should invest more budget on this field to improve economy and people’s mental health.
강사 첨삭
Hi June!
Thank you for explaining your examples well.
It makes it that much easier to understand.
The writing was really smooth today.^^
~~ Teacher Sharon
Furthermore, entertainment serves more than just passing the time.
>> Correct
It could also improve the standard of society and lifestyle.
>> Correct
People usually relieve stress by watching TV or listening music.
>> People usually relieve stress by watching TV or listening to music.
People also love to visit museum and gallery to broad viewpoint.
>> People also love to visit museums and galleries to broaden their viewpoints.
A good movie, a funny TV show can help us unwind from work and worries.
>> A good movie or a funny TV show can help us unwind from work and worries.
On top of that, entertainment is not just for fun.
>> Correct
It exposes us to new idea, worlds and the ways of thinking.
>> It exposes us to new ideas, worlds, and ways of thinking.
Some scientific concepts even give us opportunities to spark creativity and fuel our imagination.
>> Correct
In this way, people could have much more lively life.
>> In this way, people could have much more lively lives.
In conclusion, there are a lot of benefits of entertainment such as art, music and theaters not just economy aspect but also personal aspect.
In conclusion, there are a lot of benefits of entertainment such as art, music and theaters not just economy aspect but also personal aspect.
>> In conclusion, there are many benefits of entertainment such as art, music, and theaters, not just from an economic aspect but also from a personal aspect.
Arts and Music always bring us much more we expected.
>> Arts and music always bring us much more than we expected.
Hence, governments should invest more budget on this field to improve economy and people’s mental health.
>> Hence, governments should invest more budget in this field to improve the economy and people’s mental health.
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