20180114

2018-01-15 · 첨삭 강사 Jeny

학생이 쓴 원문

It has become fiercely a controversial issue in many countries so far. Frankly speaking, since I am not an adult who is grown up, I can’t understand and talk about details. However I will outline that how some people are arguing about this issue recently. According to some of them, nowadays children have received better benefits such as food, the education and so on than in the past. This is because, many economic barriers had solved by the international society therefore some students can be allowed by themselves to think their own future without dependents. However, on the other hand, some people argue that the present may be worse. To be specific, child would be pressed complicatedly by different from the past. For example, the present become more competitive society, which may make them to lose their own time and feelings. In conclusion, it is undeniable there are variety of opinions this topic. Also both views have their strong points.

강사 첨삭

Hello Kim

Making the right decision in life is quite difficult at times but we must depend on what is right, that can be beneficial for us and the people around us.

From what I know we need to depend on God because with His help everything is possible.

Have a great day!!!

Thank you for your homework.

T. Jeny

It has become fiercely a controversial issue in many countries so far.

>>correct

Frankly speaking, since I am not an adult who is grown up, I can’t understand and talk about details.

>>Frankly speaking, since I am not yet an adult, I can’t understand and talk about it in detail.

However I will outline that how some people are arguing about this issue recently.

>>However I will make an outline how some people are arguing about this issue recently.

According to some of them, nowadays children have received better benefits such as food, the education and so on than in the past.

>>According to some of them, children nowadays receive better benefits such as food, education and so on than in the past.
This is because, many economic barriers had solved by the international society therefore some students can be allowed by themselves to think their own future without dependents.

>>This is because, many economic barriers had been solved by the international society therefore some students can be allowed to think about their own future by themselves.
However, on the other hand, some people argue that the present may be worse.

>>On the other hand, some people argue it can be worse.
To be specific, child would be pressed complicatedly by different from the past.

>>To be specific, children would be pressured.
For example, the present become more competitive society, which may make them to lose their own time and feelings.

>>For example, the present became a more competitive society, which can make them lose their own time and feelings.

In conclusion, it is undeniable there are variety of opinions this topic.

>>In conclusion, it is undeniable that there are variety of opinions regarding this topic.
Also both views have their strong points.

>>Both views have strong points.

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