2019. 02. 08 World peace from international sports game

2019-02-13 · 첨삭 강사 Gina

학생이 쓴 원문

I don\'t know well about this topic, the world peace from international sports game, since I haven\'t been interested in sports games such as World Cup and Olympic. As my narrow view about sports games, for an instance, there has been great and small troubles between the people who support the different teams in a game. Big games like Olympic make people overheat because the most important thing in these games is a sense of belonging to their nations. Connectedness makes people stronger especially who share the same nation or team but it also causes excessive troubles between others. Probably there are many benefits cause world peace what I don\'t know and maybe I can guess it. So please share to me if you have another great ideas about this topic. Thank you.

강사 첨삭

Hi, Su [이름]!


I appreciate it that you still share something that you can relate to with the topic I gave for the homework. ^^

I agree that sometimes, fans or supporters of each teams  tend to cause troubles.

However, I think, sportsmanship is the key on how we create world peace through these games.

Athletes from different nations come and play with each other. They have built the discipline and respect to their opponents and sometimes, viewers see that whenever they watch them and it creates influence.

Another thing that I can relate to was the news about South Korea and North Korea\'s alliance with their national teams with the Olympics. The world actually view this unity as a good sign for world peace. ^^

Well, those are the things that I can share about this topic. ^^


If you want to add or ask questions, feel free to ask me on our class. ^^


~Teacher Gina




I don\'t know well about this topic, the world peace from international sports game, since I haven\'t been interested in sports games such as World Cup and Olympic. As my narrow view about sports games, for an instance, there has been great and small troubles between the people who support the different teams in a game. Big games like Olympic make people overheat because the most important thing in these games is a sense of belonging to their nations. Connectedness makes people stronger especially who share the same nation or team but it also causes excessive troubles between others. Probably there are many benefits cause world peace what I don\'t know and maybe I can guess it. So please share to me if you have another great ideas about this topic. Thank you.


>> I don\'t know well about this topic, the world peace from international sports game, since I haven\'t been interested in sports games such as the World Cup and the Olympics. As my narrow view about sports games, for  instance, there has been great and small troubles between the people who support the different teams in a game. Big games like Olympics make people overheat because the most important thing in these games is the sense of belonging to their nations. Connectedness makes people stronger especially who share the same nation or team but it also causes excessive troubles between others. Probably there are many benefits to cause world peace from what I don\'t know and maybe I can guess it. So please share to me if you have another great ideas about this topic. Thank you.

파워잉글리쉬 영어첨삭교정 서비스에 실제로 접수된 글입니다. 작성자와 글에 등장하는 사람·회사 이름, 연락처 등 개인을 알아볼 수 있는 정보는 모두 지웠습니다. 문법 오류는 학습 자료로서의 가치를 위해 원문 그대로 두었습니다.

다른 영어첨삭교정 보기

영어첨삭교정 ·