2020.03.25. Homework

2020-03-27 · 첨삭 강사 Jedah

학생이 쓴 원문

Advances in technology enable rapid change in society. While this has remarkably increased convenience, modern people have to think and act quickly to the pace of change in the world. I think this situation makes people lethargic to interact with other people and to be active. If they spend an energetic day, it will affect their work which in turn gives them the feeling of falling behind in society. I am sure that the solution is simple compared to the seriousness of the situation. The only solution for relieving lethargy is to live an independent life. To live independent lives, we should have time to explore ourselves. When we find the purpose of our life, we do not have to blindly follow the pace that society demands. If this solution sounds too abstract, I recommend you to find a hobby. Just having one hobby will be enough to relieve the stress society gives you, and you will be able to lead a more energetic life starting with it.

강사 첨삭

Hi Jenny! Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this one. I really appreciate the effort! ^ ^
Good point you gave here. Having an active and healthy lifestyle is a much better choice than being idle and getting into the trap of rat race. ^ ^
-Teacher Jedah

Advances in technology enable rapid change in society. 
>>CORRECT
While this has remarkably increased convenience, modern people have to think and act quickly to the pace of change in the world. 
>>CORRECT
I think this situation makes people lethargic to interact with other people and to be active. 
>>CORRECT
If they spend an energetic day, it will affect their work which in turn gives them the feeling of falling behind in society. 
>>If they have to deal with a hectic schedule, it will affect their work which in turn gives them the feeling of falling behind in the society. (I hope this is what you mean.)
I am sure that the solution is simple compared to the seriousness of the situation. 
>>CORRECT
The only solution for relieving lethargy is to live an independent life. 
>>CORRECT
To live independent lives, we should have time to explore ourselves. 
>>CORRECT
When we find the purpose of our life, we do not have to blindly follow the pace that society demands. 
>>CORRECT (..our lives)
If this solution sounds too abstract, I recommend you to find a hobby. 
>>CORRECT
Just having one hobby will be enough to relieve the stress society gives you, and you will be able to lead a more energetic life starting with it.
>>CORRECT

파워잉글리쉬 영어첨삭교정 서비스에 실제로 접수된 글입니다. 작성자와 글에 등장하는 사람·회사 이름, 연락처 등 개인을 알아볼 수 있는 정보는 모두 지웠습니다. 문법 오류는 학습 자료로서의 가치를 위해 원문 그대로 두었습니다.

다른 영어첨삭교정 보기

영어첨삭교정 ·