3/2 homework

2020-03-02 · 첨삭 강사 Rachel

학생이 쓴 원문

Many scientists have a religion in the world. It is quite ironic, but it\'s true. If someone asks me \'do you believe God alive?\', I will say \'I don\'t believe that\'. I think so. People who have a strong faith say that science is also part of religion and God makes that. In that case, they find a good point to get along well. Actually, I believe that religion was created to gather people, make a society or country, and keep the peace for a long time. There are many kinds of God in the world, Buddhism, Christian, Catholicism, Islam, and so on. I feel all kinds of God have a similarity. Nonetheless, I like doctrine of Buddhism. They say that both happiness and misery come from my heart, not others. Therefore, we should control the mind and make a healthy mind. I absolutely agree about that. Besides, the reason why I think it\'s better to have a religion is that I can count on it when I am in trouble and modest when I am good. Everything I have accomplished is not just from me.

강사 첨삭

Hi [이름], 
Thanks for the insightful homework because I am also learning:)
-Rachel 
Many scientists have a religion in the world. It is quite ironic, but it\'s true.
>> correct
If someone asks me \'do you believe God alive?\', I will say \'I don\'t believe that\'.
>> If someone asks me if God exists, I will respond that I don\'t.
I think so. People who have a strong faith say that science is also part of religion and God makes that. 
>> correct
In that case, they find a good point to get along well.
>> correct
Actually, I believe that religion was created to gather people, make a society or country, and keep the peace for a long time.
>> correct
>> The truth is I believe religion was created to unite people and make a peaceful society for a long time.
There are many kinds of God in the world, Buddhism, Christian, Catholicism, Islam, and so on.
>> There are many kinds of religion in the world: Buddhism, Christian, Catholicism, Islam, and so on.
>> There are many kinds of gods in the world: Buddha, God, Allah and many more. 
I feel all kinds of God have a similarity.
>> correct
Nonetheless, I like the doctrine of Buddhism.
>> correct
They say that both happiness and misery come from my heart, not others.
>> correct
Therefore, we should control the mind and make a healthy mind.
>> correct
>> Therefore we should control the mind and make it healthy. 
I absolutely agree about that.
>> I absolutely agree with that. 
Besides, the reason why I think it\'s better to have a religion is that I can count on it when I am in trouble and modest when I am good.
>> correct
>> and I can count on it when I am in trouble, and it makes me modest when I am good. 
Everything I have accomplished is not just from me.
>> correct

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