4/14 homework

2020-04-14 · 첨삭 강사 Rachel

학생이 쓴 원문

I think middle-age women should be more active in society. There are still a lot of problems, but now there are almost no fields where women can\'t or only women can in Korea. However, middle-aged Korean women like my mom are still alienated from society. Most of them have not learned expert knowledge, and have no career due to marriage and children. They are young and capable of work, but there is no place in society to accept them. I think that one of the possible fields is the social welfare field. Korea becomes an aging society, public social welfare should cover old-age people and their life stabilization. Therefore, they need more people who help the old age. Middle-age women are considerate and treat people comfortably and friendly. So, I think they can be good social welfare workers if it would be their job. They have still a long time, so they can not stay at home and waste their passion and power. The government should encourage strongly them to become a social member.

강사 첨삭

Hi [이름], 
This is an awesome response to the homework you were given. You did well, so good job!
-Rachel
I think middle-age women should be more active in society.
>> correct (we just say middle-aged-with a d)
There are still a lot of problems, but now there are almost no field
s where women can\'t or only women can in Korea.
>> correct
However, middle-aged Korean women like my mom are still alienated from society.
>> correct (perfect use of vocabulary)
Most of them have not learned expert knowledge, and have no career due to marriage and children.
>> correct
>> Most of them lack expertise and have no career because of marriage and having children. 
They are young and capable of work, but there is no place in society to accept them.
>> correct
I think that one of the possible fields is the social welfare field.
>> correct
Korea becomes an aging society, public social welfare should cover old-age people and their life stabilization.
>> correct (we say old-aged)
Therefore, they need more people who help the old age.
>> correct
Middle-aged women are considerate and treat people comfortably and friendly.
>> correct (we just say treat people in a friendly way or amicably)
So, I think they can be good social welfare workers if it would be their job.
>> correct
They have still a long time, so they can not stay at home and waste their passion and power.
>> correct
The government should encourage strongly them to become a social member.
>> The government should encourage them strongly to become active members of the society. 

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