4. What do you know about our company?
학생이 쓴 원문
Under the mission “To lead national economic growth and contribute to the enhancement of public welfare through tourism”, KTO is aiming to have more than 30 million tourists visiting Korea until 2030. To achieve this goal, KTO has several programs to connect domestic tourism businesses with ones in abroad. With the negotiation skill and transparency I developed while I served for student council and data analysis skill I used during interning, I would like to contribute to your programs to achieve KTO’s mission.
강사 첨삭
Hi Rennie!
Thanks for sending your draft. Please review the two versions provided, and we can discuss them further during the class.
Cheers,
Jean~~
What do you know about our company?
Under the mission “To lead national economic growth and contribute to the enhancement of public welfare through tourism”, KTO is aiming to have more than 30 million tourists visiting Korea until 2030. To achieve this goal, KTO has several programs to connect domestic tourism businesses with ones in abroad. With the negotiation skill and transparency I developed while I served for student council and data analysis skill I used during interning, I would like to contribute to your programs to achieve KTO’s mission.
LONG VERSION BUT GIVES A BIT OF AN EXAMPLE:
>>> From my research, I understand that KTO’s mission is to drive national economic growth and enhance public welfare through tourism, with a clear goal of welcoming over 30 million visitors by 2030. I was impressed by the programs that connect domestic tourism businesses with international partners, which not only promote destinations but also strengthen local economies. My background in procurement where I learned to evaluate suppliers and manage resources fairly along with my student council experience in budget transparency, aligns with your emphasis on accountability and efficiency. I believe I can contribute to ensuring that procurement practices support KTO’s tourism initiatives responsibly and effectively.
SHORT VERSION:
>>> I know that KTO is working to boost Korea’s tourism industry with the goal of reaching 30 million visitors by 2030. What stood out to me is how you connect local tourism businesses with international markets, because that creates real opportunities for communities. Since I’ve had hands‑on experience in procurement during my internship and worked on transparency in student council, I feel I can add value by supporting those programs with fair and efficient resource management.
파워잉글리쉬 영어첨삭교정 서비스에 실제로 접수된 글입니다. 작성자와 글에 등장하는 사람·회사 이름, 연락처 등 개인을 알아볼 수 있는 정보는 모두 지웠습니다. 문법 오류는 학습 자료로서의 가치를 위해 원문 그대로 두었습니다.