5-24th Homework

2017-11-15 · 첨삭 강사 Charry

학생이 쓴 원문

For a long time, I had a preoccupation about foreigners. My preoccupation was a skin color an a nationality. In my mind, there was a kind of a superiority mind on them. And in my mind, there was a kind of a complex. So I hated them and I loved them. It was a time when I was young. Nowadays, I have reckoned that it was very ridiculous and I was a fool. There are many foreigners in my country in order to work for their family. I want to work abroad but I didn't catch a chance, even though I tried to do it. But they did it and are working in Korea. They actually didn't speak Korean, but there may be not a fear about working in a strange land. I didn't have any experience yet but they are doing now. Sometimes, in my mind the respect arise. Now, I hope to work in other land if I have a chance. I know it is not easy but I try to do it in order not to have any regret in my life. We need a brave to do something as we are getting old. The age is only a number.

강사 첨삭


Hi, [이름]! 
Thanks for writing this essay. 
You\'re right! 
We shouldn\'t be afraid to try new things because we actually learn from it. 
Many people want to change but only a few people are brave enough to do it. 
I\'m happy that you are one of those few people. ^_^
I hope you\'re doing great. 
See you tomorrow in class.
~Teacher C[이름] 
For a long time, I had a preoccupation about foreigners.
>> CORRECT!
OR >> 
I had a preoccupation about foreigners for a long time.
My preoccupation was a skin color an a nationality.
>> [Do you mean]: My preoccupation was about ever nationality\'s skin color. 
In my mind, there was a kind of a superiority mind on them. 
And in my mind, there was a kind of a complex.
>> In my mind, there is a superior color among them and in my mind, superiority complex existed. 
So I hated them and I loved them.
>> 
So I hated some colors and I loved some colors.
It was a time when I was young.
>> CORRECT!
OR >> It happened when I was young. 
Nowadays, I have reckoned that it was very ridiculous and I was a fool.
>> CORRECT!
OR >> 
Nowadays, I realize that it was very ridiculous and I was a fool.
There are many foreigners in my country in order to work for their family.
>> 
There are many foreigners in my country who work for their families.
I want to work abroad but I didn\'t catch a chance, even though I tried to do it.
>> 
I wanted to work abroad but I didn\'t get a chance even though I tried to do it.
But they did it and are working in Korea.
>> CORRECT!
OR >> But these foreigners did it and 
are now working in Korea.
They actually didn\'t speak Korean, but there may be not a fear about working in a strange land.
>> 
They actually didn\'t speak Korean, but they are not afraid to work in a strange land.
I didn\'t have any experience yet but they are doing now.
>> [Do you mean]: I didn\'t have the experience that they have. 
Sometimes, in my mind the respect arise.
>> Sometimes, I feel respect for them.
Now, I hope to work in other land if I have a chance.
>> 
Now, I hope to work in another land if I have a chance.
I know it is not easy but I try to do it in order not to have any regret in my life.
>> 
I know it is not easy but I will try to do it in order not to have any regret in my life.
We need a brave to do something as we are getting old.
>> 
We need to be brave to do something as we get older.
The age is only a number.
>> CORRECT!
OR >> Age 
is only a number.

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