7.2 writing

Hi, [이름]! ^_^
Thank you for writing this beautiful essay. 

I honestly think you have a big heart. 

I agree that sharing wealth to poorer nations is a good example of boosting good diplomacy all over the world.

However, I think some nations abuse this kindness and at times, corrupt officials steal the aid they receive from other countries.

That is just my point-of-view about this matter.

I hope you\'re doing great.

See you in class later. ^_^

~Teacher Charry

I think wealthy nations are not required to share their wealth among poorer nations but it\'s better to do that.

>> CORRRECT!

OR >> In my opinion, wealthy nations are not required to share their wealth among poorer nations but it\'s better to do that.

The reason why I thought that way is that we also have experience that we receive some helpness from other countries.

>> The reason why I have thought of it that way is that, we also have experienced receiving some aid from other countries.

As a result, thanks to their help we can acheive rapid economic growth after the Korean war in 1950.

>> As a result, we achieved rapid economic growth after the Korean war in 1950.

OR >> Thanks to their help, we achieved rapid economic growth after the Korean war in 1950.

Most people think that those countries are wealthy nations but it was not true exactly.

>> Most people think that those countries are wealthy nations but it is not exactly true.

There were many countries that poorer than Korea in nowadays so we have thankful mind to them.

>> There are many countries that are poorer than Korea nowadays so we have to be thankful about that.

So, to make example like our country, sharing wealth among poorer nations is good deed like voluntary work or donating money.

>> [Do you mean]: So, our country should set an example because sharing wealth among poorer nations is a good deed. Donating money is like a voluntary work.

If those nations has huge development in the future because of sharing wealth, they will also have thankful mind.

>> If those nations have huge development in the future because of sharing wealth, they will also be thankful about it.

OR >> If those nations become highly developed countries in the future because of shared wealth, they will also be grateful for it.

So I think sharing wealth to poor nation is a one kind of good diplomacy.

>> So I think sharing wealth to a poor nation is one example of creating good diplomacy.