8/23 homework
학생이 쓴 원문
What essential thing/s do you need to bring along with you when you travel or go on a business trip?
I usually bring some clothes, underwear, toileteries and simple food like instant cup noodles in the baggage when I travel abroad.
But the most important things that I need to take are passport, money and mobile phone.
Passport is the ID card which provides information about me, and If I have a passport, I would ask some help to embassy of the Republic of Korea.
If I have enough money, I will buy some necessities and eat food.
In my opinion, mobile phone is also necessary.
I don\'t need a paper map anymore, becuase using mobile phone, I could find correct directions anywhere I go.
강사 첨삭
Good day, [이름]!
Since you have travelled a lot in the past, preparing all of the necessary things in your baggage is a piece of cake- food, passport, cards, among others. As women, wwe have the knack in packing things.
Here on your answer, I can see longer and even more meaningful sentences. They were stated naturally as well as grammatically well-thought of. Your ideas flow well in a very good organization from the introduction, body, and ending. Some of my suggestions were underlined for your convenience. Thus, thank you for your great effort in drafting this answer. Well done!
See you again!
-T. Donna~
I usually bring some clothes, underwear, toileteries and simple food like instant cup noodles in the baggage when I travel abroad.
>> Correct!
But the most important things that I need to take are passport, money and mobile phone.
>> Correct!
Or: But the most important things that I need to take are passport, money, and mobile phone.
Passport is the ID card which provides information about me, and If I have a passport, I would ask some help to embassy of the Republic of Korea.
>> Passport is the ID card which provides information about me, and if I have a passport, I would ask some help from the Embassy of the Republic of Korea.
If I have enough money, I will buy some necessities and eat food.
>> Correct!
In my opinion, mobile phone is also necessary.
>> Correct!
Or: In my opinion, the mobile phone is also necessary.
I don\'t need a paper map anymore, becuase using mobile phone, I could find correct directions anywhere I go.
>> I don\'t need a paper map anymore, because using the mobile phone, I can find correct directions anywhere I go.
파워잉글리쉬 영어첨삭교정 서비스에 실제로 접수된 글입니다. 작성자와 글에 등장하는 사람·회사 이름, 연락처 등 개인을 알아볼 수 있는 정보는 모두 지웠습니다. 문법 오류는 학습 자료로서의 가치를 위해 원문 그대로 두었습니다.