81. Homework

2018-03-24 · 첨삭 강사 Rose

학생이 쓴 원문

ESSAY: Some people become famous at a young age. Is it a good or a bad thing? In my opinion, it’s a good thing to be famous at a young age. A famous man called Chang Min whom is engaged in a group called Dong-Bang-Sin-Gi has interviewed about this question. He said he was happy with becoming celebrity when he was young. He has finished repaying a family’s debt although he had not enjoyed his youth as much as the others due to the group activities. During that time, he gave up and endured many things but he said he was not regret about his past times. However, for example, Macaulay Culkin who is a famous actor owing to the movies called Home Alone had been living unhappiness life. That's because he's parents had fought and got divorced owing to the plenty of money from his popularity. Thus, I think it does not give good way only. But I think if their neighbor or parents teach to find a right way, then becoming fame is the best way for enjoying life. That's because the person might earn a lot of money and he will have various experiences using power of the money

강사 첨삭

Thank you very much for doing your homework, Jason^^
I think handling money definitely depends on a person.
Have a great Monday, see you!
ESSAY: Some people become famous at a young age. Is it a good or a bad thing?
>>CORRECT!
In my opinion, it’s a good thing to be famous at a young age.
>>CORRECT!
A famous man called Chang Min whom is engaged in a group called Dong-Bang-Sin-Gi has interviewed about this question.
>>A famous man called Chang Min who is engaged in a group called Dong-Bang-Sin-Gi has been interviewed about this question.
 He said he was happy with becoming celebrity when he was young. 
>>CORRECT!
He has finished repaying a family’s debt although he had not enjoyed his youth as much as the others due to the group activities.
>>He has finished paying a family’s debt although he had not enjoyed his youth as much as the others due to the group activities.
During that time, he gave up and endured many things but he said he was not regret about his past times.
>>
During that time, he gave up and endured many things, but he said he did not regret his past times.
However, for example, Macaulay Culkin who is a famous actor owing to the movies called Home Alone had been living unhappiness life. 
>>However, for example, Macaulay Culkin who is a famous actor owing to the movies called Home Alone had been living an unhappy life. 
That\'s because he\'s parents had fought and got divorced owing to the plenty of money from his popularity.

>>
That\'s because his parents had fought and got divorced owing to the amount of money from his popularity.
Thus, I think it does not give good way only.
>>Thus, I think it does not only give good ways.
 But I think if their neighbor or parents teach to find a right way, then becoming fame is the best way for enjoying life.
>> But I think if their neighbor or parents teach to find a right way, then becoming famous is the best way for enjoying life.
 That\'s because the person might earn a lot of money and he will have various experiences using power of the money
>> That\'s because a person might earn a lot of money and he will have various experiences using the power of money.

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