9/4
학생이 쓴 원문
What are your suggestions to develop your school system?
First. our school should change some rules about students. Banning make ups and accessories is violating student\'s rights to be free of what they do to their own body. As long as it is not harmful to students, and causes no harm to others, the school should allow students to wear make ups and accessories. Another thing that should change is education itself. Our country and schools are too competitive. A lot of students are distressed because of grades. They number student from one to three hundred something even in middle school. I hope they mean to motivate students, but in reality it just makes them miserable. If studying becomes less competitive, we would get more opportunities to have debates with other students and expand our thinking. I don\'t think it is a problem of our school, but a problem of our educating culture. I hope for the day our students will be happy even in school.
강사 첨삭
Hi [이름]. Great work! Thanks. :)
-T.Gabby
First. our school should change some rules about students.
>> Correct.
Banning make ups and accessories is violating student\'s rights to be free of what they do to their own body.
>> Correct.
As long as it is not harmful to students, and causes no harm to others, the school should allow students to wear make ups and accessories.
>> Correct.
Another thing that should change is education itself. Our country and schools are too competitive.
>> Another thing is that they should change the education system itself. Our country and schools are too competitive.
A lot of students are distressed because of grades.
>> Correct.
They number student from one to three hundred something even in middle school.
>> They rank student from one to three hundred something even in middle school.
I hope they mean to motivate students, but in reality it just makes them miserable.
>> Correct.
If studying becomes less competitive, we would get more opportunities to have debates with other students and expand our thinking.
>> If studying becomes less competitive, we can get more opportunities to have debates with other students and expand our way of thinking.
I don\'t think it is a problem of our school, but a problem of our educating culture.
>> I don\'t think it is a problem of our school, but a problem of the culture of our education.
I hope for the day our students will be happy even in school
>> Correct.
파워잉글리쉬 영어첨삭교정 서비스에 실제로 접수된 글입니다. 작성자와 글에 등장하는 사람·회사 이름, 연락처 등 개인을 알아볼 수 있는 정보는 모두 지웠습니다. 문법 오류는 학습 자료로서의 가치를 위해 원문 그대로 두었습니다.