A lot of people think that children should be banned from using social media. Actually, this has alr
학생이 쓴 원문
Some people say that inhibiting children\'s use of social media has several side effects. For example, They point to that children can easily circumvent regulations and that the law violates their freedom and right. Nevertheless, I support the idea that the policy helps children\'s development. Indeed, The Australia government implemented a new policy that keeps teenagers under 16 ages from accessing social media. They argued that the policy can reduce online crimes and the number of exposures to harmful contents. There are also other expected good effects, like protection from online addiction and mental health problems. For these reasons, I agree that most countries should apply this policy to protect young students and to encourage their healthy growth. I especially empathize with the opinion that it ensures children\'s quality sleep. Since I wasn\'t able to have enough sleep due to use of a smartphone and SNS when I was young, I believe that pursuing the policy helps children\'s growth.
강사 첨삭
Hello, [이름]!
I appreciate how you gave both sides of the argument before clearly stating your position. You linked the policy to your own experience with sleep, which makes your opinion more persuasive. Great work! ^^
~ Trixia
CONTENT:
Some people say that inhibiting children\'s use of social media has several side effects.
~ CORRECT.
For example, They point to that children can easily circumvent regulations and that the law violates their freedom and right.
~ For example, they point out that children can easily circumvent regulations and that the law violates their freedom and rights.
Nevertheless, I support the idea that the policy helps children\'s development.
~ CORRECT.
Indeed, The Australia government implemented a new policy that keeps teenagers under 16 ages from accessing social media.
~ Indeed, the Australian government implemented a new policy that keeps teenagers under the age of 16 from accessing social media.
They argued that the policy can reduce online crimes and the number of exposures to harmful contents.
~ They argued that the policy can reduce online crimes and the number of exposures to harmful content.
There are also other expected good effects, like protection from online addiction and mental health problems.
~ CORRECT.
For these reasons, I agree that most countries should apply this policy to protect young students and to encourage their healthy growth.
~ CORRECT.
I especially empathize with the opinion that it ensures children\'s quality sleep.
~ CORRECT.
Since I wasn\'t able to have enough sleep due to use of a smartphone and SNS when I was young, I believe that pursuing the policy helps children\'s growth.
~ Since I wasn’t able to get enough sleep due to using a smartphone and social media when I was young, I believe that pursuing the policy helps children’s growth.
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