A positive result from a risk #2
학생이 쓴 원문
[What result] When I think about that time, it’s the most extremely hard time in my life. Saved money was gradually going to run out, so I had to make money for my family living as soon as possible. I\'d been preparing for the entrance exam all day for nine months, so my wife and I were almost exhausted. Eventually, I joined my current company in September 2006, after several unsuccessful failures.
[How felt] Finally, when I look back at my decision now, the moment of victory gave me great confidence and pleasure. Those of the severe period made me more robust will power. If I have a chance to do it again, I will try to challenge the test.
강사 첨삭
Here\'s the 2nd part of your composition, [이름]!
Cheers,
Jean~~
[What result] When I think about that time, it’s the most extremely hard time in my life. Saved money was gradually going to run out, so I had to make money for my family living as soon as possible.
>> [What result] When I think about that time, it was the hardest period in my life.
We were slowly eating away at our savings so I had to earn a living for my family as soon as possible.
I\'d been preparing for the entrance exam all day for nine months, so my wife and I were almost exhausted.
>> I\'d been preparing for the entrance exam day in and day out for nine months, so my wife and I were almost exhausted.
Eventually, I joined my current company in September 2006, after several unsuccessful failures.
>> Eventually, I joined my current company in September 2006, after several unsuccessful attempts. [Note: A failure already means unsuccessful so no need to say \"unsuccessful failure\". It\'s redundant.]
[How felt] Finally, when I look back at my decision now, the moment of victory gave me great confidence and pleasure.
>> Finally, when I look back at my decision now, that moment of victory gave me great confidence and pleasure.
>> or: Looking back, that moment of victory gave me great confidence and pleasure.
Those of the severe period made me more robust will power.
>> Those trying times made my willpower more robust and also made me more resilient.
If I have a chance to do it again, I will try to challenge the test.
>> If I had a chance to do it again, I would still try to challenge the test.
>> or: If I had a chance to do it again, I wouldn\'t change a thing. I would still quit my job and take the test.
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