About 90 % of the police force will be deployed in Gyeongju during the APEC summit, could such high&
학생이 쓴 원문
Deploying large number of police can bring security to global events such as APEC summit. Especially deploying 90% of Korean police force can warn protestors to act responsibly. However, there are unintended consequences of breaking public order of different cities. This is because the population is Gyeongju ranks 44th and there are many cities that require large police force in daily basis such as Seoul and Busan. Concentrating large number of police in one city will trigger the problem in different cities. On top of that, there is a concern that high level security will impact local businesses and liberties of Gyeonju citizens. The one of the major revenues of Gyeonju city is travel. Therefore, tourists are essential part of the economy. But increased police force will lead to excessive pedestrian control, and many tourists might opt out from visiting the city.
강사 첨삭
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Deploying large number of police can bring security to global events such as APEC summit.
>>> Deploying a large number of police officers can help ensure security during global events such as the APEC summit.
Especially deploying 90% of Korean police force can warn protestors to act responsibly.
>>> OR: In particular, deploying 90% of the Korean police force can serve as a warning for protesters to act responsibly.
However, there are unintended consequences of breaking public order of different cities.
>>> However, there may be unintended consequences, such as disrupting public order in other cities.
This is because the population is Gyeongju ranks 44th and there are many cities that require large police force in daily basis such as Seoul and Busan.
>>> This is because the population in Gyeongju ranks 44th, and there are many cities that require large police force in a daily basis such as Seoul and Busan.
>>> OR: This is because Gyeongju ranks 44th in population, and many larger cities—such as Seoul and Busan—require a significant police presence on a daily basis.
Concentrating large number of police in one city will trigger the problem in different cities.
>>> correct
>>> OR: Concentrating too many police officers in one city could create security problems elsewhere.
On top of that, there is a concern that high level security will impact local businesses and liberties of Gyeonju citizens.
>>> correct
The one of the major revenues of Gyeonju city is travel. Therefore, tourists are essential part of the economy.
>>> One of Gyeongju’s main sources of revenue is tourism, so visitors are an essential part of the city’s economy.
But increased police force will lead to excessive pedestrian control, and many tourists might opt out from visiting the city.
>>> correct
>>> OR: However, an increased police presence could lead to excessive pedestrian control, causing many tourists to choose not to visit the city.
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