Accepting or improving
학생이 쓴 원문
For me it is more comfortable to write task 2 than task 1.... thank you always.. I am so sad already we are heading the end of the lessen.
강사 첨삭
Hi Ye [이름]!
Please be careful with prepositions.
Make sure you use them if necessary and put them in their proper position.
You ended the composition quite well.
Please take note of the corrections below.^^
~~ Teacher Sharon
There are many different opinions in the same situation. >> There are many different opinions on the same situation.
For instance, some people accept a bed situation, while others
try to improve such situation.
>> For instance, some people accept a bad situation, while others try to improve such situation.
This essay will explain on the both sides of the opinion and I would express my idea
which attitude brings better quality of life to people.
>> This essay will explain both sides and I would express my idea about which attitude brings better quality of life to people.
The people who think of accepting a bad situation is the best way believe that everything has important meaning in
our lives.
>> The people who think of accepting a bad situation believe that everything has an important meaning in our lives.
They usually want to have experiences as many as they can.
>> They usually want to have as many experiences as they can.
Even it could be getting unsatisfactory job or
having shortage of money.
>> This is true even if the job gets unsatisfactory or there is a shortage of money.
These experiences eventually would bring more benefits to people because everything is
not coincidence and meaningless.
>> These experiences would eventually bring more benefits to people because everything is not a coincidence and is not meaningless.
For instance, in most of the cases, a new worker in café should start with cleaning
because that is the basic work, but nobody want to do that work.
>> For instance, in most cases, a new worker in a cafe should start with cleaning because that is the basic work, but nobody wants to do that work.
However, after 1 year, the worker can do what he/she
wants base on the experience and the worker can give idea or encourage to a new worker.
>> However, after 1 year, the worker can do what he/she wants based on experience and the worker can give ideas or encourage new workers.
On the other hand, others think that as much as you can try to improve a bed situation.
>> On the other hand, others think that you can really try to improve a bad situation.
This people believe that the
experiences do not give any inspiration or strength to people.
>> These people believe that experiences do not give any inspiration or strength to people.
Some people can lose their passion or vision because of
a bed situation.
>> Some people can lose their passion or vision because of a bad situation.
People can get more stresses because of that and have panic.
>> People can get more stressed and panicked because of that.
Therefore, they suggest on the idea that
try to escape the situation and find better situation such as changing a job or asking a help.
>> Therefore, they suggest the idea to try to escape the situation and find a better one such as changing a job or asking for help.
In my view, the former is better than the latter.
>> Correct
This is because I believe everything has meaning in our lives.
>> Correct
Sometimes we do not want to do or have something but we cannot control everything in our lives.
>> Correct
We need to accept
the situation and fully understand.
>> Correct
For instance, there is a possibility that my family can die when I never expect or I
can lose my whole property at once even I never want to.
>> For instance, there is a possibility that my family can die when I least expect it or I can lose my whole property at once even if I don\'t want to.
However, we need to accept the situation or try to get into
the situation and see the positive future.
>> However, we need to accept the situation or try to get into the situation and see a positive future.
If we can have that mind, we can solve all problems in our lives.
>> If we can develop this way of thinking, we can solve all the problems in our lives.
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