An application on a phone / computer -Part3

2020-11-25 · 첨삭 강사 Jean

학생이 쓴 원문

2. Do you think parents should limit the time that their children spend on the phone? The screen time for children or teenagers should definitely be restricted. Mobile phones and laptops are very harmful to young generations; that\'s why the restriction is necessary and not an option. It\'s imperative for parents to know and understand what\'s happening in their children\'s lives at home or outdoors. Moreover, the youth of today spend most of their time on social media or their phone. Then, It is crucial to be aware of all their activities on the internet. Aside from these things, there are also critical health or medical issues caused by constant exposure to devices, such as mobile phones or laptops.

강사 첨삭

Here\'s your another composition, [이름]!

Cheers,
Jean~~

                    

                  Do you think parents should limit the time that their children spend on the phone?


The screen time for children or teenagers should definitely be restricted. Mobile phones and laptops are very harmful to young generations; that\'s why the restriction is necessary and not an option. It\'s imperative for parents to know and understand what\'s happening in their children\'s lives at home or outdoors. Moreover, the youth of today spend most of their time on social media or their phone. Then, it is crucial to be aware of all their activities on the internet. Aside from these things, there are also critical health or medical issues caused by constant exposure to devices, such as mobile phones or laptops.
>> correct~~

파워잉글리쉬 영어첨삭교정 서비스에 실제로 접수된 글입니다. 작성자와 글에 등장하는 사람·회사 이름, 연락처 등 개인을 알아볼 수 있는 정보는 모두 지웠습니다. 문법 오류는 학습 자료로서의 가치를 위해 원문 그대로 두었습니다.

다른 영어첨삭교정 보기

영어첨삭교정 ·