Are games are as important for adults as they are for children?

2014-01-08 · 첨삭 강사 Nina

학생이 쓴 원문

Are games are as important for adults as they are for children? I do agree with the statement although there are some adults who do not enjoy games at all. People have their own hobbies and make their life much more enjoyable by engaging himself/herself in such activities. Image how life would be dry and boring if you do not have any hobbies except working. If you enjoy working itself, it would be wonderful. However, most people work to make a living. If you invest all your time and energy in your work only, you would be easily worn out and give up before reaching the terminus. We all need condiments to make our life excited and to work harder. A hobby can play a role of a condiment to our life. Playing games is one of the hobbies. A game has all the attributes that make people feel excited. Why are so many people in the world crazy about sports like soccer, baseball, Olympic game, etc? It is because there is victory & defeat. You can feel catharsis from from victory.

강사 첨삭

A superb mid-week Sir [이름]!

Thank you for sending me an essay.^^

I am so impressed with the way you composed your sentences. ^^ Marvelous!

It is really nice to see your improvements especially in terms of writing, which is one of our goal. ^^

Keep up the good work! I am excited to receive another essay from you. 

See you in class! Take Care!
Teacher Nina


Are games are as important for adults as they are for children?


I do agree with the statement although there are some adults who do not enjoy games at all.

>> Correct! 

People have their own hobbies and make their life much more enjoyable by engaging himself/herself in such activities.

>> People have their own hobbies and make their life more enjoyable by engaging himself/herself in such activities. 

Image how life would be dry and boring if you do not have any hobbies except working.

>> Imagine how life would be, it will be dry and boring if you do not have any hobbies except working. 

If you enjoy working itself, it would be wonderful. However, most people work to make a living.

>> Correct! 

If you invest all your time and energy in your work only, you would be easily worn out and give up before reaching the terminus.

>> If you invest all of your time and energy only at work, you would be easily worn out and give up before reaching the terminus. ( Great vocabulary!^^ )

We all need condiments to make our life excited and to work harder.

>> We all need condiments to make our life exciting and to work harder. 

A hobby can play a role of a condiment to our life.

>> A hobby can play the role of a condiment in our life. 

Playing games is one of the hobbies.

>> Correct! 

A game has all the attributes that make people feel excited.

>> A game has all of the attributes that make people feel excited. 

Why are so many people in the world crazy about sports like soccer, baseball, Olympic game, etc?

>> Why do you think many people in the world are crazy about sports like soccer, baseball, Olympic game, etc?

It is because there is victory & defeat.

>> Correct! 

You can feel catharsis from from victory.

>> Correct!  

>> OR: You can feel catharsis from victory. 

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