Are there different barriers for men and women at work?
학생이 쓴 원문
Korean households spend lots of money for their kids’ private education which can have a big influence over the points of Korean SAT with which students will apply for the college that they want to get into. Therefore, a couple’s double income has become a necessity, not an option to cover their children’s private education fees. Parents at work have to spend hectic days during the weekday to the point of their overwork at work and they want to take some rest including sleeping in during the weekend when children are looking forward to having a quality time with their parents going around exciting places and fancy restaurants with them. This is the point where vicious circle starts. This highly competitive environment in Korea is one of the barriers many families have to face in daily lives. Fortunately, there are still many parents at work who try their best to be good parents on even weekend, making itineraries customizing their children during the weekday and put it into practice.
강사 첨삭
Hi there once again, [이름]!
Thank you for this! You were very expressive and there are just some parts that we need to remove and include, so I gave a little correction on your composition
Have a nice day!
Aki~
Korean households spend lots of money for their kids’ private education which can have a big influence over the points of Korean SAT with which students will apply for the college that they want to get into.
>>> Korean households spend lots of money on their kids’ private education which can have a big influence over the points of Korean SAT with which students will apply for the college that they want to get into.
Therefore, a couple’s double income has become a necessity, not an option to cover their children’s private education fees.
>> CORRECT!
OR >>> Therefore, having a dual income has become a necessity rather than an option to cover the private education expenses of their children.
Parents at work have to spend hectic days during the weekday to the point of their overwork at work and they want to take some rest including sleeping in during the weekend when children are looking forward to having a quality time with their parents going around exciting places and fancy restaurants with them.
>>> Parents at work have to spend hectic days during the weekdays to the point of overwork at work and they want to take some rest including sleeping in during the weekend when children are looking forward to having quality time with their parents going around exciting places and fancy restaurants with them.
This is the point where vicious circle starts. This highly competitive environment in Korea is one of the barriers many families have to face in daily lives.
>>> This is the point where the vicious circle starts. This highly competitive environment in Korea is one of the barriers many families have to face in their daily lives.
Fortunately, there are still many parents at work who try their best to be good parents on even weekend, making itineraries customizing their children during the weekday and put it into practice.
>>> Fortunately, there are still many parents at work who try their best to be good parents on even weekends, making itineraries and customizing their children during the weekdays and putting them into practice.
파워잉글리쉬 영어첨삭교정 서비스에 실제로 접수된 글입니다. 작성자와 글에 등장하는 사람·회사 이름, 연락처 등 개인을 알아볼 수 있는 정보는 모두 지웠습니다. 문법 오류는 학습 자료로서의 가치를 위해 원문 그대로 두었습니다.