Are you currently raising a pet? If not, have you ever thought of raising one? In your opinion, when

2021-06-18 · 첨삭 강사 Beth

학생이 쓴 원문

I’m currently not raising a pet because my brother is allergic to fur. However, I’ve raised hamsters when I was in an elementary school. It was fine to raise them since hamsters lived in their cages. As this experience, I want to raise hamster again. Furthermore, if I’m available for raising a pet, I want to raise a dog or cat because I’ve never experienced. I think the perfect way to get pets is finding them at abandoned dogs’ shelter. I heard that the more people buy pets at pet shops, the more producers make pets. Pets become tools to earn money. Moreover, people think the lives of animals are not precious. Therefore, adopting at pet shops will help poor animals and cut the bad thought which regards pets as dolls.

강사 첨삭

Thank you for this [이름]!

I’m currently not raising a pet because my brother is allergic to fur. 
>>> correct   
However, I’ve raised hamsters when I was in an elementary school. 
>>> However, I’ve raised hamsters when I was in elementary.    
It was fine to raise them since hamsters lived in their cages. 
>>> correct   
As this experience, I want to raise hamster again. 
>>> OR: Due to this experience, I want to raise hamsters again.   
Furthermore, if I’m available for raising a pet, I want to raise a dog or cat because I’ve never experienced.
>>> OR: Furthermore, if I could possibly raise a pet, I want to raise a dog or cat because I’ve never experienced it.   
I think the perfect way to get pets is finding them at abandoned dogs’ shelter. 
>>> correct    
I heard that the more people buy pets at pet shops, the more producers make pets. 
>>> correct   
Pets become tools to earn money. 
>>> correct    
Moreover, people think the lives of animals are not precious. 
>>> correct   
Therefore, adopting at pet shops will help poor animals and cut the bad thought which regards pets as dolls.
>>>  Therefore, adopting at pet shelters will help poor animals and cut the bad thought which regards pets as dolls.  

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