Artists need freedom
학생이 쓴 원문
Thank you so much always:)
강사 첨삭
Hi Ye [이름]!
Great job today!
The expressions that you used were simple and direct.
The examples you have given were also very specific.
Keep it up!^^
~~ Teacher Sharon
The famous artist, such as Vincent Van Gogh and Picasso, had unique ideas and expression of what they thought.
>> Famous artists, such as Vincent Van Gogh and Picasso, had unique ideas and expression of what they thought.
People think that they were living in different their own worlds, not the same world like normal people.
>> People think that they were living in their own worlds which were different from the one normal people were living in.
Therefore, people think they need freedom for making those creative arts.
>> Therefore, people think they need freedom in creating those works of art.
This essay will discuss whether artists should have total freedom or not and I would express my opinion as well.
>> Correct
People can see the lives of the famous artists, for instance, Van Gogh was lonely person and eventually had mental illness and died.
>> People know about the lives of famous artists.
for instance, Van Gogh was lonely person and eventually had mental illness and died.
>> For instance, Van Gogh was a lonely person and he eventually had a mental illness and then, died.
He spent his life for concentrating the arts, however, he was very poor and had very difficult time.
>> He spent his life concentrating on the arts, however, he was very poor and he had a very difficult time.
Artists need time and money for making arts.
>> Artists need time and money for creating art.
If they do not have food and houses, they should work for money in order to survive.
>> Correct
Eventually, they do not have time for creating music or drawing.
>> Eventually, they wouldn\'t have time to create music or draw.
Some of the famous artists were rich but most famous artists were poor.
>> Some famous artists were rich but most famous artists were poor.
Therefore, Germany government support the artists to focus on their activities for making great masterpieces.
>> Therefore, the German government supports the artists to focus on their activities for creating great masterpieces.
The government give subsidy, so they do not need to worry about money and have freedom.
>> The government gives subsidy, so they do not need to worry about money and they could have more freedom.
I think freedom is very important for artists.
>> Correct
If people want to listen and see masterpieces, people should support them to get freedom from poverty.
>> Correct
There are the cases that the famous artists success him/herself and earn money and can continue their works, however, it is very small percentage of artists can be famous.
>> There are cases where famous artists succeed themselves and earn money to continue their work, however, there is a very small percentage of artists who can be famous.
Most masterpieces are shown after the artists died.
>> Most masterpieces are shown after the artists die.
If we support them, they could make many things for us.
>> If we support them, they could create many things for us.
Therefore, artists need freedom and the government should help artists.
>> Correct
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