Because of people\'s greed
학생이 쓴 원문
Rhinos became endangered because of too much poaching. People poached them because of their ivory, and leather. In the past, rhino\'s ivory was used as very good medicine. Because of this reason, people poached a lot of rhinos. Since people wanted to get ivory with saving them, people only cut rhino\'s ivory. But if there are not ivory to rhino, then it is same disappearing rhino\'s weapon, so it was still bad way to save rhino. In addition, recently rhino is hunted because people can make narcotic with it. Then how can we save them? The way is only one. We have to tell that poaching rhino have to be stopped. However, people don\'t do that small behavior. I think people and I have to change their mind, that \'Other people will do.\'
강사 첨삭
Hello, Daniel! Thank
you for an impressive work. You did some research. Excellent! Keep up the good job!
- Teacher Debbie
>> This is a good sentence.
People poached them because of their ivory, and leather.
>> People poached them because of their ivory and leather.
In the past, rhino\'s ivory was used as very good medicine.
>> In the past, a rhino\'s ivory was used as medicine.
Because of this reason, people poached a lot of rhinos.
>> Because of this, people poached a lot of rhinos.
Since people wanted to get ivory with saving them, people only cut rhino\'s ivory.
>> Since people only wanted to get the ivory, they just cut them from the rhinos.
But if there are not ivory to rhino, then it is same disappearing rhino\'s weapon, so it was still bad way to save rhino.
>> However, without their ivory, rhinos don\'t have weapons to protect themselves.
In addition, recently rhino is hunted because people can make narcotic with it.
>> In addition, rhinos are hunted because people can make narcotics with them.
Then how can we save them?
>> This is a good sentence.
The way is only one.
>> There is only one way.
We have to tell that poaching rhino have to be stopped.
>> We have to tell people that poaching rhinos has to stop.
However, people don\'t do that small behavior.
>> However, people don\'t do this.
I think people and I have to change their mind, that \'Other people will do.\'
>> What do you mean?
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