can you check my resume?

2010-11-04 · 첨삭 강사 Ella

학생이 쓴 원문

What are your short and long term objectives in Renault Samsung Motors? I will device new car technology of safety for human that anyone have thought within three years and I will be a great leader of a team to deign these technologies. And then I will let all team members express their fresh ideas freely. So I promise to make your company the world best company. State about yourself in freestyle. I'm a person who really likes cars and I really want to work for making cars joyfully with all co-workers in Renault Samsung Motors. And I will make very safe and convenient cars that I want to take people who I love. And I’m a person who makes a smile whenever I have cars in my mind.

강사 첨삭

Hi there Anthony! Here are my suggestions to improve the sentences you wrote here. Good luck and I really hope that you will be taken at SamSung. See you in class~!   What are your short and long term objectives in Renault Samsung Motors? I will device new car technology of safety for human that anyone have thought within three years and I will be a great leader of a team to deign these technologies. >>> I will device a new car technology for people’s safety (or peace of mind) lasting for three years and I will be a great leader of a team to design these technologies. And then I will let all team members express their fresh ideas freely. >>> And then I will let all my team members express their fresh ideas freely. So I promise to make your company the world best company. >>> So I promise to make your company the world’s best company.   State about yourself in freestyle. I'm a person who really likes cars and I really want to work for making cars joyfully with all co-workers in Renault Samsung Motors. >>> I'm a person who really likes cars and I really want to work for a company making cars. I would joyfully do that with all co-workers in Renault Samsung Motors. And I will make very safe and convenient cars that I want to take people who I love. >>> And I will make very safe and convenient cars that I want the people whom I love to take. And I’m a person who makes a smile whenever I have cars in my mind. >>> And I’m a person smiles whenever I have cars in my mind.  

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