Can you tell about a time when you were really frightened?

2019-09-19 · 첨삭 강사 Sharon

학생이 쓴 원문

It\'s been about 7 years since my son went to emergency center because he had high fever. He had an collapsed experience when the fever reached over 40 Celsius. I just considered his problem as a symptom that he had before. I didn\'t think ask help from the rescue team because it didn\'t look like serious problem. However, his symptom was getting worse as time went on. I realized that it was not light disease that I could handle. I asked 911 team to help, and then 911 team took my my son to the hospital to get a proper treatment at the Emergency Room. If I were late to call 911, my would have serious problem.

강사 첨삭

Hi [이름]!
You write very well. Thank you for your composition.
Be careful of your articles and prepositions.
Take note of the suggestions below.
Till next time!^^
~~ Teacher Sharon
It\'s been about 7 years since my son went to emergency center because he had high fever. 
>> It\'s been about 7 years since my son went to the emergency center because he had high fever. 
He had an collapsed experience when the fever reached over 40 Celsius. 
>> He had collapsed when the fever reached over 40 degrees Celsius. 
I just considered his problem as a symptom that he had before. 
>> Correct
I didn\'t think ask help from the rescue team because it didn\'t look like serious problem. 
>> I didn\'t think to ask for help from the rescue team because it didn\'t look like a serious problem. 
However, his symptom was getting worse as time went on. 
>> However, his symptoms kept getting worse as time went on. 
I realized that it was not light disease that I could handle. 
>> I realized that it was not an ordinary disease that I could handle. 
I asked 911 team to help, and then 911 team took my my son to the hospital to get a proper treatment at the Emergency Room. 
>> I asked the 911 team to help, and then they took my my son to the hospital to get a proper treatment at the Emergency Room. 
If I were late to call 911, my would have serious problem.
>> If I had called 911 just a little bit later, my son would be in serious trouble.

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