Can you tell me how travelling the world affects life and personality?

2020-03-03 · 첨삭 강사 Eve

학생이 쓴 원문

I think travel means changes.When you travel other places, you face new things that you have never met before. In a word, you meet something different. It causes changes. I\'d like to tell you my story. When I went to Jeju island(Korean famous island), I stayed in the guest house. In Korea, you can meet new friends in the guest house. I also met new persons and heard their own story. I had thought that entering the university is essential to live in Korea. I had also thought that we should run faster and faster to get a stable job in Korea. However, after I heard their life and values, I realized that we need to enjoy our life. My life exists not for future, but for NOW. Travelling the world makes us break our stereotypes. We need to change our thoughts when we travel new places. That\'s why trip affects life and personality. In most cases, people become mature and understand what they have not imagined before. If you want to grow up, you\'d better decide travelling the world!

강사 첨삭

Amazing composition!
I\'m more inspired to continuously travel after reading your essay, [이름]. 
Keep it up!
You can be a writer in no time. 
~Teacher Eve. 
I think travel means changes.
>> I think travelling means changes. 
When you travel other places, you face new things that you have never met before. 
>> When you travel to other places, you face new things that you have never faced before. 
In a word, you meet something different. 
>> In other words, you meet something different.
It causes changes. 
>> Correct!
I\'d like to tell you my story. 
>> Correct!
When I went to Jeju island(Korean famous island), I stayed in the guest house. 
>> When I went to Jeju island (Korea\'s famous island), I stayed in the guest house. 
In Korea, you can meet new friends in the guest house. 
>> Correct!
I also met new persons and heard their own story. 
>> I also met new people and heard their own story.
I had thought that entering the university is essential to live in Korea. 
>> I thought that entering the university is essential to live in Korea.
I had also thought that we should run faster and faster to get a stable job in Korea. 
>> I also thought that we should run faster to get a stable job in Korea.
However, after I heard their life and values, I realized that we need to enjoy our life. 
>> However, after I heard their life story and values, I realized that we need to enjoy our life. 
My life exists not for future, but for NOW.
>> Correct!
Travelling the world makes us break our stereotypes. 
>> Correct!
We need to change our thoughts when we travel new places. 
>> We need to change our thoughts whenever we travel to new places.
That\'s why trip affects life and personality. 
>> Correct!
In most cases, people become mature and understand what they have not imagined before. 
>> In most cases, people become more mature and understanding, it\'s more than what they\'ve imagined before. 
If you want to grow up, you\'d better decide travelling the world! 
>> If you want to grow up, you\'d better decide to travel the world!

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