Can you think of any regulations to improve the way animals are being treated?
학생이 쓴 원문
It is very important to protect animals because animals also include ecosystem like humans.
But, some of humans are threaten them. For example, hunters have killed elephants to get ivory.
Today, many animals are in danger so, we have to protect them.
First, we should reduce to use something from animals like fur and ivory.
If it is not being, we can live. If the use of fur is reduced, hunters don\'t have to hunt animals no more.
Second, we should to protect environment to live animals.
Humans are developing many place for economic growth. But it gave bad effect for environment.
Plants disappeared and animals lose their home, and we affect damage like climate change.
So, we can protect environment like DMZ in Korea that is not developed yet.
강사 첨삭
Hi Se [이름]!
Here are the corrections.
It is very important to protect animals because animals also include ecosystem like humans.
>>It is very important to protect animals because they also are included in the ecosystem like humans.
But, some of humans are threaten them. For example, hunters have killed elephants to get ivory.
>>But, some humans are threatening them. For example, hunters have killed elephants to get ivory.
Today, many animals are in danger so, we have to protect them.
>>Correct!
First, we should reduce to use something from animals like fur and ivory. If it is not being, we can live. If the use of fur is reduced, hunters don\'t have to hunt animals no more.
>>First, we should reduce to use something from animals like fur and ivory. If the use of fur is reduced, hunters don\'t have to hunt animals.
Second, we should to protect environment to live animals. Humans are developing many place for economic growth. But it gave bad effect for environment.
>>Second, we should protect the environment for the animals to live. Humans are developing many places for economic growth. But it gave bad effects to the environment.
Plants disappeared and animals lose their home, and we affect damage like climate change. So, we can protect environment like DMZ in Korea that is not developed yet.
>>Plants disappeared and animals lose their homes, and we caused damages like climate change. So, we should protect the environment like DMZ in Korea that is not developed yet.
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