Celebrities are same with us.

2014-08-01 · 첨삭 강사 Debby

학생이 쓴 원문

Some celebrities like young singers can't have girl friends or boy friends. Because fans don't want their date and once it is revealed, all the people can know. Also, they have many problem like depressive disorder because of lack of privacy. However many children want to be people like celebrities, so celebrities should be ethical. In the range of ethic, celebrities should have more privacy.

강사 첨삭

Hi there [이름]!^^
Studying hard surely paid off!
You are doing very well with your sentences and you put
the right word with your ideas!
Keep expressing yourself this way and the way
you can express these ideas make me feel that I\'m talking to an adult!
take that as a compliment!
I look forward to more of your ideas!
Take care!^^
T.Debby^^
Here are my corrections for you  today:
Some celebrities like young singers can\'t have girl friends or boy friends.
>> CORRECT
OR> Some celebrities should be careful with their relationships.
Because fans don\'t want their date and once it is revealed, all the people can know.
>> Because fans don\'t want their dates and once it is revealed, all people can know about it.
Also, they have many problem like depressive disorder because of lack of privacy.
>> Also, they have many problems like depressive disorders because of the lack of privacy.
However many children want to be people like celebrities, so celebrities should be ethical.
>> CORRECT
OR> Many children idolize celebrities so they should show proper behavior.
 In the range of ethic, celebrities should have more privacy.
>> In the range of ethics, celebrities should have more privacy.

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