Check my script please .. 😊

2021-03-03 · 첨삭 강사 Vance

학생이 쓴 원문

My English name is [이름]. and my Korean name is hyoju Bang . I live in Suwon, in Korea. My favorite place is Gangneung. Because when I was 12years old, I live there. The ocean and sunset is very beautiful and nice. And the Gangneung Cafe Street is very famous, so many tourists visit there. So I love Gangneung very much. I want to learn conversation in English. Because I think it is important to talk in English to be a flight attendant. So I want to be a flight attendant who is influent in English based on what I learned in this school I like to do playing with my dog in my free time. The dog stays at home alone often because all the family members work. So if I have time left, I’m taking my dog for a walk and playing with toys. Playing with my dogs, I can also enjoy myself in my busy daily life.

강사 첨삭

My favorite place is Gangneung. Because when I was 12years old, I live there.
>>My favorite place is Gangneung. Because when I was 12 years old, I lived there. 

The ocean and sunset is very beautiful and nice.
>>The ocean and the sunset are very beautiful and nice.

I want to learn conversation in English.
>>I want to learn how to converse in English.

So I want to be a flight attendant who is influent in English based on what I learned in this school
>>I want to be a flight attendant who is fluent in English based on what I learned in this school.

I like to do playing with my dog in my free time.
>>I like to do playing with my dog in my free time.

The dog stays at home alone often because all the family members work.
>>The dog stays alone at home often because all of our family members are at work.

I’m taking my dog for a walk and playing with toys.
>>I take my dog for a walk and we often play with some dog toys.

Playing with my dogs, I can also enjoy myself in my busy daily life.
>>I can enjoy myself in my busy daily life by playing with my dog. 

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