children working
학생이 쓴 원문
Thank you for correcting, I do my best :)
강사 첨삭
Hi Ye [이름]!
This is a little bit clearer than other compositions.
I admire the way you presented the issues and explained your side.
There are a couple of corrections so please be mindful of them.
I\'ll talk to you tomorrow.^^
~~ Teacher Sharon
Work experience is a good chance for people to increase their abilities and skills in their lives.
>> Work experience is a good chance for people to improve their abilities and skills in their lives.
However, it is different issue when we apply to children.
>> However, it is a different issue when children are involved.
There are two views that children working is good for them or not.
>> There are two views concerning working children and whether it is good for them to work or not.
This essay will discuss whether children working has positive effect to children or not and I would express my opinion as well.
>> This essay will discuss whether working has a positive effect on children or not and I would express my opinion as well.
The main reason of supporting of children working is that children can have many experiences and learn through working.
>> The main reason of supporting working children is that they can have many experiences and learning through working.
They can learn fail and success by working.
>> They can learn failure and success by working.
Moreover, it helps them to find suitable jobs and earn money.
>> Moreover, it helps them find suitable jobs and earn money.
In other cases, there are children who cannot continue study because of money issues in families or do not want to study anymore and get a job quickly.
>> In other cases, there are children who cannot continue studying because of money issues in families or they do not want to study anymore and get a job quickly.
However, if children start work early in young ages, they would not have a enough time for study and play with their friends.
>> However, if children start working at an early age, they would not have enough time to study and play with their friends.
Besides, most children do not know what they want to be in future before 18 years old.
>> Besides, most children below 18 years old do not know what they want to be in the future.
Under 18-year-old children also very week physically and psychologically.
>> These children are also physically and psychologically weak.
Thy might get injuries or heart mind because of many situations in work places.
>> Thy might get injuries or mental stress because of many situations in work places.
I think that responsibility and experience are very important to people.
>> Correct
However, children, especially under 18-year-old, are still growing and do not know what is right or wrong.
>> However, children, especially those under 18 years old, are still growing and they do not know what is right or wrong.
They need time to learn and study what they want to be or they like.
>> They need time to learn and study what they want to be or what they they like.
After having enough time for learning and studying, children can start work and can be ready to have responsibilities.
>> After spending enough time for learning and studying, children can start work and be ready to have responsibilities.
In conclusion, children need enough time to know about themselves and society, and they can start work when they are prepared.
>> Correct
파워잉글리쉬 영어첨삭교정 서비스에 실제로 접수된 글입니다. 작성자와 글에 등장하는 사람·회사 이름, 연락처 등 개인을 알아볼 수 있는 정보는 모두 지웠습니다. 문법 오류는 학습 자료로서의 가치를 위해 원문 그대로 두었습니다.