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2022-10-24 · 첨삭 강사 Lyn

학생이 쓴 원문

Pie in the sky. There is a boy named Joss. He is the seventh son of the king of the universe. The king\'s name is Zeus, but he is not an actual Zeus. But then somebody saw this sceret world. It was Annika. If a human sees the Afterlive entrance, their whole planet rips out of time. Where Joss lives is in the blackhole and it is the entrance of the Afterlives. Annika is a live human that does not have to go to the Afterlives yet. Joss is made of the same thing that earth\'s atmosphere is made of, so he does not need to breathe. Annika could breathe because her body thinks she is dreaming. But when she knows the truth, her body knows there is no air. Thankfully, as long as Annika is wet of water from this seceret world, she can breathe. So the brave Joss does everthing backward, even walking and talking. they soar into the wormhole made of backwardness and makes all of earth come back to life.

강사 첨삭

Good day, Kristine! Thank you for this lovely story. I will see you in class. Keep safe! ~T. Lyn
\"Pie in the sky.\"
>>\"A Pie in the Sky\"
There is a boy named Joss. 
>>Correct.
He is the seventh son of the king of the universe. 
>>Correct. He is the seventh son of the cosmic king.
The king\'s name is Zeus, but he is not an actual Zeus. 
>>The king\'s name is Zeus, but he is not the real Zeus.
But then somebody saw this sceret world. 
>>But someone saw this secret world.
It was Annika. 
>>Correct. This person\'s name is Annika.
If a human sees the Afterlive entrance, their whole planet rips out of time. 
>>When humans see the entrance to Afterlife, their entire planet stops time.
Where Joss lives is in the blackhole and it is the entrance of the Afterlives. 
>>Joss lives in the black hole and it is the entrance to the Afterlife.
Annika is a live human that does not have to go to the Afterlives yet. 
>>Annika is a living human who does not need to go to the Afterlife yet.
Joss is made of the same thing that earth\'s atmosphere is made of, so he does not need to breathe. 
>>Because Joss is made of the same material as Earth\'s atmosphere, he doesn\'t need to breathe.
Annika could breathe because her body thinks she is dreaming.
>>Annika was able to breathe because she thought that she was just dreaming.
But when she knows the truth, her body knows there is no air. 
>>She realized later on that her body has no air.
Thankfully, as long as Annika is wet of water from this seceret world, she can breathe. 
>>Thankfully, Annika can breathe as long as she is drenched in the waters of this secret world.
So the brave Joss does everthing backward, even walking and talking. 
>>So brave Joss, walks and talks and everything is upside down.
they soar into the wormhole made of backwardness and makes all of earth come back to life.
>>They soar into the wormhole made of backward and revive the entire Earth.

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