Civil War In Afghanistan

2021-08-20 · 첨삭 강사 Jean

학생이 쓴 원문

Theme: [ESSAY] What\'s your thought on the civil war in Afganistan? (Taliban) I actually don\'t know much about the civil war in Afghanistan. But I know many about Taliban. The Taliban is an Islamic militant political group formed in Afghanistan. In Afghanistan, Taliban and Afghanistan&US had a war. But Taliban won so many people is trying to escape Afghanistan. I think Taliban is not so good group. Because of Taliban, civil wars began!

강사 첨삭

Hi [이름]!

Here\'s your edited composition. Please pay attention to the corrections. Happy weekend!

Cheers,
Jean~~


                    Theme: [ESSAY] What\'s your thought on the civil war in Afganistan? (Taliban)


I actually don\'t know much about the civil war in Afghanistan.
>> CORRECT ~~
>> OR: I must admit that I don\'t know much about the civil war in Afghanistan.

But I know many about Taliban.
>> But I know a lot about the Taliban. 

The Taliban is an Islamic militant political group formed in Afghanistan.
>> CORRECT ~~

In Afghanistan, Taliban and Afghanistan&US had a war.
>> In Afghanistan, the Taliban and Afghanistan & the US had a war.

But Taliban won so many people is trying to escape Afghanistan.
>> But the Taliban won so many people are trying to escape from Afghanistan.

I think Taliban is not so good group. Because of Taliban, civil wars began!
>> I think the Taliban is not a good group as the civil war has begun because of them. 

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