Common crime

2016-08-03 · 첨삭 강사 Lynn

학생이 쓴 원문

In general, five crime is robbery and murder, rape, theft, violence. The police declared to fight against crime about 20 years ago. But in terms of crime rate, sexual crime is common in our society. Domestic violence is believed to be the most common, yet least reported crime in Korea. In fact, sexual crime is the problem since ancient. Some say that Roman Empire destroyed because of promiscuous sex. But another say that if government inhibit sex so much, other crime rate is higher. People don't know where the contact point is. Netherlands admitted to legally clandestine prostitution to reduce the crime rate. The Netherlands obtains the effectiveness of lower crime rate. Isn't it except this way? This threaten to fall the age of materialism where money talks. Can money solve all problem? It is absolutely not. I think that there should be leave the human's self-purification. That is because of believing the human.

강사 첨삭

Hello Sir [이름],
A marvelous composition sir. As you know, our president is serious about his fight against illegal drugs, crime and corruption. I commend him for keeping the promise he made before the election. I hope though that everything is done legally and that he will continue doing this until the end of his term. Have a great day sir and I\'ll see you again on Friday.

Take care!

~T. Lynn

In general, five crime is robbery and murder, rape, theft, violence.

>>In general there are five crimes: robbery, murder, rape, theft and violence.

The police declared to fight against crime about 20 years ago.

>>correct!

But in terms of crime rate, sexual crime is common in our society.

>>correct!

Domestic violence is believed to be the most common, yet least reported crime in Korea.

>>correct!

In fact, sexual crime is the problem since ancient.

>>In fact, sexual crimes have been a problem since the ancient times.

Some say that Roman Empire destroyed because of promiscuous sex.

>>Some say that the Roman Empire was destroyed because of promiscuous sex.

But another say that if government inhibit sex so much, other crime rate is higher.

>>But others say that if the government inhibit sex so much then other crimes\' rate will be higher.

People don\'t know where the contact point is.

>>correct!

Netherlands admitted to legally clandestine prostitution to reduce the crime rate.

>>correct!

The Netherlands obtains the effectiveness of lower crime rate.

>>The Netherlands obtained an effective lower crime rate.

Isn\'t it except this way? This threaten to fall the age of materialism where money talks.

>>Isn\'t this an exception? This threatens the fall of the age of materialism where money talks.

Can money solve all problem? It is absolutely not.

>>Can money solve all problems? Absolutely not!

I think that there should be leave the human\'s self-purification.

>>I think that we should give time for human\'s self-purification.

That is because of believing the human.

>>That is because I still believe in human beings.

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