competition vs cooperation

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>>> TEACHER GEMMA

 Some people say that feeling of competition should be encouraged in children others say they should be taught to become cooperative. What is your opinion?

 

 

Some people think that teaching how to compete with others is beneficial for children rather than teaching cooperation.

>>> CORRECT

 However, in my opinion, it is required for government to run various classes for children, considered children can learn how to become cooperative.

>>> However, in my opinion, it is required for (the) government to run various classes for children, considering that children can learn how to become cooperative.

 It can be said that running classes by governments for children is not a selection but a necessity in the aspect of children’s inner growth.

>>>  It can be said that classes run by (the) government for children is not a selection but a necessity in the aspect of children’s inner growth.

To begin with, educating the way to cooperate with others can make it possible for children to develop their sense of community as a part of community. 

>>>To begin with, educating to cooperate with others can make it possible for children to develop their sense of responsibility as a part of the community. 

Despite there are other factors for it, nothing is more fundamental factor than education for teaching cooperation.

>>> Despite of having many factors for it, nothing is more fundamental  than education to teach cooperation.

 According to Dr. [Name], one of the most distinguished professors at Chungnam University in South Korea, 85.2% of children, who have raised in rural community where people are cooperative, showed higher level of adaptation in every field than those who have raised in urban community.

>>>  According to Dr. [Name], one of the most distinguished professors at Chungnam University in South Korea, 85.2% of children, who were raised in rural community where people are cooperative, showed higher level of adaptation in every field than those who were raised in the urban community.

 It shows how strongly teaching cooperation affects children’s responsibility. 

>>> CORRECT

Therefore, it goes without saying that governments should make it priority to run variety of classes for children.

>>> Therefore, it goes without saying that the government should make it a priority to run variety of classes for children.

On top of that, teaching cooperation enables children to grow their responsibility. 

>>> CORRECT

Despite education for cooperation is not thee only element for it, it is cornerstone of society that can bring children’s better understanding of society. 

>>> Educating cooperation is not the only element for it, it is the cornerstone of the society that can bring children’s better understanding of the society. 

Let’s take a campaign ‘Happy Together’ run by Daejeon city government for children in kindergarten as an example. 

>>> CORRECT

They made special education process about needs of educating of cooperation for children. 

>>> CORRECT

As a result, children could learn responsibility as a part of the community. 

>>> CORRECT

As we can see in the example, teaching cooperation can play a significant role in children’s life.

>>> CORRECT

 Hence, governments should not hesitate to expand the campaign and run bunch of classes for children.

 >>> CORRECT

In conclusion, a sense of community and a higher responsibility can be considered the positive aspect of the issue.

>>> CORRECT

 Thus, governments should put emphasis on running various classes for children. 

>>> CORRECT