Composition

I think onw of reasons is spread of TV. In everywhere, we can watch TV. There are lots of entertainers. And they are always smile. Also they are luxury and they have popularity. In addition, even some people adore them. So children only look good points. So when the children look just one of aspect, they think " if I become a star, I can be rich and get popularity. " So in my opinion, this is why many children want to receive tutoring to be a star.

Good evening [이름], Thank you once again for sharing your thoughts in this composition. Children are so innocent that they only see the good parts. Let us hope that their parents will teach them well and explain to them that there are also bad points. ^^ Anyway, here are the corrections I made for you. See you later! ~ T. Giselle   I think onw of reasons is spread of TV.>> I think one of the reasons is the popularity of TVs.In everywhere, we can watch TV.>> We can watch TV everywhere.There are lots of entertainers.>> Correct.And they are always smile. >> And they are always smiling.Also they are luxury and they have popularity.>> Also they project luxury and they are popular.In addition, even some people adore them.>> Correct.So children only look good points.>> So children only look at the good points of being a star.So when the children look just one of aspect, they think \" if I become a star, I can be rich and get popularity. \">> So when children look at just one aspect, they think that,  \"If I become a star, I can be rich and popular.\"So in my opinion, this is why many children want to receive tutoring to be a star. >> So in my opinion, this is the reason why many children want to receive tutoring to become stars.