composition

2014-11-26 · 첨삭 강사 Paula

학생이 쓴 원문

Dear my optimistic Teacher Paula, Hi! I saw your assessment about our last class. According to your comment, I will try to improve my habit. Now, I hand in my composition as follows. See you. *Essay As for me, I would choose a subject related with welfare. Nowadays, we really need people who is good at taking care of old or poor people. Capitalism aims at making profits, and it caused inequality of division. The evil of capitalism is like that the more we don't have money, the more we become poor. It is a reality that we can't deny in our current society. Therefore, we need more people who have expertise about welfare. Because of this, sometimes, I think like that I wish I had studied welfare when I was a college student. That is okay. It is not too late to study that now. I am considering studying social welfare when I have a chance to get into university again. There is a saying that you are never too old to learn, and I totally agree with that.

강사 첨삭

Dear my pioneering Student [이름],   A wonderful Wednesday evening to you! ^.^ I hope you enjoy reading my comment about your composition today.   First of all, I would like to commend you for updating me about your insight about our class yesterday. One more thing, I would like to thank you for having a very good composition. You enlightened me about my obligation to other people. In relation to that, I totally agree that no one is old to learn, especially when you want to learn a subject which is related to service.   By the way, you committed few mistakes in your writing. That is really good. However, you still need to be careful more with subject-verb agreement.   Anyway, have a great sleep later! ^^ See you tomorrow! ^^,   ... Teacher Paula ... ^.~     Dear my optimistic Teacher Paula,>> CORRECT! Hi!>> CORRECT! >> OR: Hello! I saw your assessment about our last class. >> CORRECT!According to your comment, I will try to improve my habit.>> CORRECT! Now, I hand in my composition as follows. >> CORRECT! See you.>> CORRECT! >> OR: See you!   *Essay As for me, I would choose a subject related with welfare. >> CORRECT! Nowadays, we really need people who is good at taking care of old or poor people.>> Nowadays, we really need people who are good at talking care of old or poor people. (Since you used PEOPLE, IS should be ARE.) Capitalism aims at making profits, and it caused inequality of division. >> CORRECT! The evil of capitalism is like that the more we don\'t have money, the more we become poor. >> CORRECT! >> OR: The evil of capitalism is like that the more we don\'t have money, the more we become poorer. It is a reality that we can\'t deny in our current society.>> CORRECT! Therefore, we need more people who have expertise about welfare.>> CORRECT! Because of this, sometimes, I think like that I wish I had studied welfare when I was a college student. >> CORRECT! >> BETTER: Because of this, sometimes, I wish I had studied welfare when I was a college student. >> OR: Because of this, sometimes, I wish I had studied welfare when I was in college. That is okay. >> CORRECT! It is not too late to study that now. >> CORRECT! I am considering studying social welfare when I have a chance to get into university again.>> CORRECT! There is a saying that you are never too old to learn, and I totally agree with that. >> CORRECT!

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