composition

2014-12-11 · 첨삭 강사 Paula

학생이 쓴 원문

Dear my cordial Teacher Paula, Good morning. You informed me your regular holidays in the Philippines, and these are Dec 24,25,30,31. Do you work during these holidays? I hope Power English can let you have a good rest during these days. For your reference, our national holidays are Dec 25 and Jan 1. ^^ See you very soon. [이름] *Essay I don't know if I can call it as custom, but I want to introduce it to foreigners. That is the Korean floor heating system 'Ondol'. Ondol is very useful in the cold weather, and we can't live without this. As you know, Korea is a sedentary lifestyle; Ondol is suitable for this kind of lifestyle. When we are sitting on the ondol floor, we can feel our bodies start to thaw out. This ondol system has been exported to many countries, and it is being spotlighted as a good heating system. I hope you also can experience our traditional heating system someday. I am sure that you will like it.

강사 첨삭

Dear my plucky Student [이름],

 

A magnificent Thursday to you! ^.^

 

Thanks for letting me know about your regular holidays there in Korea! ^^

In my opinion, your holidays are too few.

Is that okay for you?

 

About your concern regarding the holidays I told you, definitely, most Filipinos don\'t have work on those dates.

However, there are still a few of us who have.

I don\'t know if Power English Management will make those days as our holidays also.

I don\'t really expect anything, but as long as December 25 and January 1 are your holidays in Korea, for sure we won\'t have work on those days.

 

By the way, let\'s talk about your composition.

Ondol is a very interesting invention.

However, I think we won\'t need it here in the Philippines.

As you already know, we don\'t experience winter, so we don\'t really need to use Ondol.

On the other hand, I think it would still be great to experience using it.

It would be a fun time playing on the floor without thinking of the cold.

Hahaha! ^^

I can play with my nieces on the floor without any worries.

Suddenly, I want to avail one Ondol.

Hahaha! ^^

 

Anyway, I am really glad that I learned  a new thing about your country.

Thank you very much! ^^

 

That\'s all for now! ^^,

See you very very soon! ^^,

 

... Teacher Paula ... ^.~

 

P.S.: Don\'t forget to see the corrections and suggestions below.

Enjoy reading! ^.^

 

 

Dear my cordial Teacher Paula,
>> CORRECT!

Good morning.
>> CORRECT!

>> OR: Good morning!

You informed me your regular holidays in the Philippines, and these are Dec 24,25,30,31.
>> You informed me your regular holidays in the Philippines, and these are December 24, 25, 30 and 31. (It is better to complete the name of a month, and you forgot to put AND before 31.

>> You informed me about your regular holidays in the Philippines, and these are December 24, 25, 30 and 31.

Do you work during these holidays?
>> CORRECT!

I hope Power English can let you have a good rest during these days.
>> CORRECT!

For your reference, our national holidays are Dec 25 and Jan 1. ^^
>> For your reference, our national holidays are December 25 and January 1. (I really encourage you to complete months\' names.)

See you very soon.
>> CORRECT!

>> OR: See you very soon!

[이름]
>> CORRECT!


*Essay
>> CORRECT!

>> BETTER: P.S.: Below is my homework.

 

I don\'t know if I can call it as custom, but I want to introduce it to foreigners.
>> CORRECT!

That is the Korean floor heating system \'Ondol\'.
>> CORRECT!

>> OR: It is the Korean floor heating system \'Ondol\'.

>> OR: It is the Korean floor heating system called \'Ondol\'.

>> OR: It is the \'Ondol\' which is a Korean floor heating system.

Ondol is very useful in the cold weather, and we can\'t live without this.
>> CORRECT!

As you know, Korea is a sedentary lifestyle; Ondol is suitable for this kind of lifestyle.

>> As you know, in Korea, we have a sedentary lifestyle; Ondol is suitable for this kind of lifestyle. (Korea is not a sedentary lifestyle, right? It is a country. So, it is better to make KOREA to KOREANS and IS to HAVE.)

>> OR: As you know, in Korea, we have a sedentary lifestyle. Ondol is suitable for this kind of lifestyle.

>> OR: As you know, Koreans have a sedentary lifestyle. Ondol is suitable for this kind of lifestyle.

When we are sitting on the ondol floor, we can feel our bodies start to thaw out.
>> When we are sitting on the Ondol floor, we can feel our bodies start to thaw out. (I think ONDOL is a proper noun, so it\'s first letter should be capitalized.)

>> OR: When we sit on the Ondol floor, we can feel our bodies start to thaw out. (When you give a fact, it is better to use present simple verbs.)

This ondol system has been exported to many countries, and it is being spotlighted as a good heating system.
>> CORRECT!

>> BETTER: This system has been exported to many countries, and it is being spotlighted as a good heating system. (It is better to avoid REDUNDANCY.)

I hope you also can experience our traditional heating system someday.
>> I hope you can also experience our traditional heating system someday. (ALSO should be put after be-verbs and before main do-verbs.)

I am sure that you will like it.

>> CORRECT!

파워잉글리쉬 영어첨삭교정 서비스에 실제로 접수된 글입니다. 작성자와 글에 등장하는 사람·회사 이름, 연락처 등 개인을 알아볼 수 있는 정보는 모두 지웠습니다. 문법 오류는 학습 자료로서의 가치를 위해 원문 그대로 두었습니다.

다른 영어첨삭교정 보기

영어첨삭교정 ·