Composition

2015-04-03 · 첨삭 강사 Paula

학생이 쓴 원문

Dear my Teacher Paula, A happy Easter to you! I guess you are now resting to the fullest in celebration of Easter. I think you have only a few holidays you can rest there in the Philippines. It is not easy for you to rest frequently as a teacher, so I really hope you can enjoy your precious holiday this time. I will miss you!!!!! ^^ I am expecting to hear of how much fun you are having during your holidays in our next class. See you next Tuesday! ^^ *Essay From my thinking, personal leisure activities would become popular in the future. Nowadays, people don't have plenty of time to put their time into leisure activities due to their busyness. Moreover, people's minds have become individualistic thinking, so this trend makes people spend their time alone. When people are alone, what will they do? I think there are some activities for them to like doing. First, if I were alone, I would ride a bicycle along the Han River. Second, I would go on a hike to get fresh air and see a view of our city. Finally, I would go to see a movie all day. To do these activities, we don't need to consider others' schedule, so we can do those wherever and whatever we want. However, if those kinds of situations spread in this world, I somehow would feel bitter, because it proves that our society has become a rough world.

강사 첨삭

Dear [Name] [이름],

A blessed Good Friday to you! ^.^

To start, I would like to say THANK YOU for the greeting and expectation about how I spend our holiday here in the Philippines.
I will surely tell those things to you when we meet each other again.

By the way, THANK YOU for the sharing you included in your composition or homework.
However, it is sad to know that there is a big possibility for people to enjoy leisure activities alone rather than with their friends or families in the future.
Fortunately, I think that can be changed.

Anyway, that\'s all for now! ^^
Happy weekend! ^^,
See you on Tuesday! ^^.

... Teacher Paula ... ^.~


Dear my Teacher Paula, 
>> CORRECT!
A happy Easter to you! 
>> CORRECT!
I guess you are now resting to the fullest in celebration of Easter. 
>> CORRECT!
I think you have only a few holidays you can rest there in the Philippines. 
>> CORRECT!
It is not easy for you to rest frequently as a teacher, so I really hope you can enjoy your precious holiday this time. 
>> CORRECT!
I will miss you!!!!! ^^ 
>> CORRECT!
I am expecting to hear of how much fun you are having during your holidays in our next class. 
>> CORRECT!
See you next Tuesday! ^^
>> CORRECT!
>> OR: See you on Tuesday!

*Essay

From my thinking, personal leisure activities would become popular in the future.
>> CORRECT!
>> OR: From my opinion, personal leisure activities will become popular in the future.
Nowadays, people don\'t have plenty of time to put their time into leisure activities due to their busyness. 
>> CORRECT!
Moreover, people\'s minds have become individualistic thinking, so this trend makes people spend their time alone. 
>> CORRECT!
>> BETTER: Moreover, people\'s minds have become individualistic, so this trend makes people spend their time alone.
When people are alone, what will they do? 
>> CORRECT!
I think there are some activities for them to like doing. 
>> CORRECT!
First, if I were alone, I would ride a bicycle along the Han River. 
>> CORRECT!
Second, I would go on a hike to get fresh air and see a view of our city. 
>> CORRECT!
Finally, I would go to see a movie all day. 
>> CORRECT!
To do these activities, we don\'t need to consider others\' schedule, so we can do those wherever and whatever we want. 
>> CORRECT!
However, if those kinds of situations spread in this world, I somehow would feel bitter, because it proves that our society has become a rough world.
>> CORRECT!

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