Composition
학생이 쓴 원문
강사 첨삭
Dear [이름],
Good evening! ^.^
Frankly speaking, I wonder when you ate hamburger.
Was it last Saturday, Sunday or just today?
Hahaha! ^^
I am just curious.
By the way, thanks for sharing some information about you.
I really like reading your composition.
You are like letting me reflect on everything, especially about your ideas.
In the end, I found out that you really take your homework seriously, especially your present writing.
I like the content of your homework
Good job! ^^,
Anyway, I hope I can share more of my ideas, but I think I somehow met my limit. T.T
Sorry! T.T
That\'s all for now! ^^
See you in class tomorrow! ^^,
... Teacher Paula ... ^.~
Dear Teacher Paula,
>> CORRECT!
Good afternoon.
>> CORRECT!
>> OR: Good afternoon!
It is a sunny day today and now is 25 degrees Celsius.
>> It is a sunny day today, and now is 25 degrees Celsius. (You forgot to put a comma before AND.)
>> OR: Today is a sunny day, and the temperature now is 25 degrees Celsius.
Today, somehow I wanted to eat a hamburger, so I just finished eating that.
>> Today, somehow, I wanted to eat a hamburger, so I just finished eating that. (I think you forgot to put a comma after SOMEHOW.)
It has been a long time since I had it last.
>> CORRECT!
>> OR: It has been a long time since the last time I had it.
I don\'t know why I wanted to eat that suddenly, but it tasted good.
>> CORRECT!
>> OR: I don\'t have any idea why I wanted to eat that suddenly, but it tasted good.
However, it was a little greasy, so I ate some kkakdugi right after eating that.
>> CORRECT!
>> BETTER: However, it was a little greasy, so I ate some Kkakdugi right after eating that.
Do you know kkakdugi?
>> CORRECT!
>> BETTER: Do you know Kkakdugi?
>> OR: Do you know what Kkakdugi is?
It is a type of [이름]chi, and it is made of daikon.
>> CORRECT!
>> BETTER: It is a type of [이름]chi and made of daikon.
Indeed, Koreans really can\'t live without [이름]chi. ^^;;
>> CORRECT!
>> BETTER: Indeed, Koreans really can\'t live without [이름]chi.
Anyway, I am going to go for a walk to burn calories after finishing my composition. ^^
>> CORRECT!
>> BETTER: Anyway, I am going for a walk to burn calories after finishing my composition.
>> OR: Anyway, I am going for a walk to burn calories after I finish my composition.
Have a nice day and see you tomorrow!
>> CORRECT!
*Essay
I think we should protect not only countryside, but we also have to start to concentrate on protection of natural environment.
>> I think we should protect not only the countryside, but we also have to start to concentrate on protection of natural environment. (PATTERN: the countryside)
Humans have been developing our Earth consistently, and we still keep doing that in order to pursuing our convenience.
>> Humans have been developing our Earth consistently, and we still keep doing that in order to pursue our convenience. (PATTERN: to + base verb)
Because of exceed development, our Earth has been destroyed, and even we are facing a serious matter of environmental pollution.
>> CORRECT!
>> OR: Because of exceed development, the Earth has been destroyed, and even we are facing a serious matter of environmental pollution.
Not that long ago, I didn\'t think to buy drinking water at supermarket, but now, I really need to spend my money to buy that.
>> Not that long ago, I didn\'t think of buying drinking water at the supermarket, but now, I really spend my money to buy that. (PATTERN: think of)
>> OR: Not that long ago, I didn\'t think of buying drinking water at the supermarket, but now, I really spend some money to buy that.
Many of households have their own water purifier to purify tap water.
>> Many households have their own water purifier to purify tap water. (Use MANY OF if you are indicating a SPECIFIC IDEA.)
It means that people no longer believe in the safety of tap water.
>> CORRECT!
>> OR: It means that people no longer feel safe in drinking tap water.
Aside from water pollution, air pollution is also a serious problem.
>> CORRECT!
>> OR: Aside from water pollution, air pollution is also a critical problem in the society.
Whenever I go out, I really hate that I can\'t help to breathe in vehicle smoke.
>> CORRECT!
>> OR: Whenever I go out, I really hate that I can\'t avoid to breathe in vehicle smoke.
I feel that this smoke makes me unhealthy.
>> CORRECT!
>> OR: I feel that inhaling it makes me unhealthy.
It is well known that it can lead to ozone depletion and global warming.
>> CORRECT!
We have been already able to feel our Earth change because of those pollutions, so we must try to find a solution not to let them spread before it is too late.
>> CORRECT!
Otherwise, there would be a big possibility for our next generation to suffer from those serious pollutions.
>> CORRECT!
Our kids are already suffering from some diseases in relation to the pollutions.
>> CORRECT!
Even there are some diseases that we can\'t treat.
>> CORRECT!
>> OR: There are even some diseases that we can\'t treat.
Just the thought of it is alarming.
>> CORRECT!
As we can see, we really should not neglect our nature.
>> CORRECT!
What will happen in the near future is very obvious.
>> CORRECT!
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