Composition

Hello there [이름]!

Thank you for sending this in. I also hope that the government can find ways on how to help the elderly in your country. Anyway, please check my corrections. Enjoy the rest of your day!

Dear [Name],

>> Correct.
Happy Friday and have a nice weekend!

>> Correct.
I want to submit my composition against the subject you gave below.

>> I want to submit my composition about the subject you gave below.
*Essay
Here in Korea, we are faced with an ageing population.

>> Here in Korea, we are facing an aging population.

Nowadays, people in their fifties are starting to retire from their work but they don\'t have enough retirement funds only for the rest of their days.

>> Nowadays, people in their fifties are starting to retire from their work but they don\'t have enough funds to sustain them for the rest of their days.
They have sacrificed everything for their children even if they are always faced a poor financial situation.

>> They have sacrificed everything for their children even if they were in a poor financial situation.  
Now, the economic condition is not that good in Korea, it is hard for people to look for a job.

>> Correct.
In that case, young generation can\'t afford to take care of the ageing population perfectly.

>> Correct.
Who should assume the ageing people?

>> Who should assume the responsibility in taking care of the aging people?
The answer should be the government.

>> Correct.
>> or: The answer is the government.

Here in Korea, our government is trying to increase the welfare benefit for them and it is considered as a serious social issue.

>> Here in Korea, our government is trying to increase their welfare benefit and it is considered as a serious social issue.
Young generation\'s position is not stable but they are forced to pay a lot of tax for the old generation.
>> Young generation\'s working condition is not stable but they are forced to pay a higher tax for the old generation.

I think it is a kind of growing pain for our nation to become mature.

>> I think it is a kind of growing pain in our nation to become mature.