Composition

2016-10-13 · 첨삭 강사 Erine

학생이 쓴 원문

Good afternoon, Teacher! Today, we suddenly talked about the hair under the arm. Hehehe! This topic is somehow cringeworthy but both of us have the same sex so we were able to talk about it with fun. When I was in China, I saw that most Chinese women didn’t shave their hair under the arm and I remembered that I was shocked. Here in Korea, shaving it is considered as manner so we usually shave it when we wear sleeveless top. Thru our class, I found that you also have the same idea with us. However, these days, a lot of women in the world have started to recognize that shaving it is annoying and unequal. They content that why only our women should keep this manner and be fenced in this formality. As we already know, men are not forced to shave it and men’s hair is considered as natural part of body. In contrast to this perception, from youth, women used to learn that body hair is unhygienic and shameful. I searched the origin of this custom and I found that it came from a razor advertisement in 1915 in America. The razor advertisement shouted out that ‘Remove your terrible body hair!’ We can say that one advertisement made this stereotype and unfairly, it has only applied to women until now. I know it is very hard for us to break this stereotype and I also have no confidence to lift my arms without shaving the hair. However, I am happy to see that many people have started to make objections to this unfair custom. I think this old trend would be removed in a short period of time as women’s voice is louder and louder. That is all for today and see you tomorrow! ^^

강사 첨삭

Hello, [이름]!
I can feel your sentiment about our topic.

It didn\'t come to me that you were as this affected about it!^^ kkk

Just kidding!

Let\'s continue sharing our ideas more about any topic.

See you tomorrow!
~~Teacher Erine~~

Good afternoon, Teacher!

>> Correct
Today, we suddenly talked about the hair under the arm. Hehehe!

>> Today, we suddenly talked about the hair under the arm. Hehehe!
This topic is somehow cringeworthy but both of us have the same sex so we were able to talk about it with fun.

>> Correct
When I was in China, I saw that most Chinese women didn’t shave their hair under the arm and I remembered that I was shocked.

>> Correct
Here in Korea, shaving it is considered as manner so we usually shave it when we wear sleeveless top.

>> Correct
Thru our class, I found that you also have the same idea with us.

>> Correct
However, these days, a lot of women in the world have started to recognize that shaving it is annoying and unequal.

>> Correct
They content that why only our women should keep this manner and be fenced in this formality.

>> Correct [It would be fine for me. I can\'t imagine men with no hair on their armpit.]
As we already know, men are not forced to shave it and men’s hair is considered as natural part of body.

>> Correct
In contrast to this perception, from youth, women used to learn that body hair is unhygienic and shameful.

>> Correct
I searched the origin of this custom and I found that it came from a razor advertisement in 1915 in America.

>> Correct
The razor advertisement shouted out that ‘Remove your terrible body hair!’

>> Correct
We can say that one advertisement made this stereotype and unfairly, it has only applied to women until now.

>> Correct
I know it is very hard for us to break this stereotype and I also have no confidence to lift my arms without shaving the hair.

>> Correct
However, I am happy to see that many people have started to make objections to this unfair custom.

>> Correct
I think this old trend would be removed in a short period of time as women’s voice is louder and louder.

>> Correct
That is all for today and see you tomorrow! ^^

>> Correct

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