Compulsory military service

2017-09-12 · 첨삭 강사 Lynn

학생이 쓴 원문

Why is compulsory military service required? The countries which have implemented compulsory military service all over the world is only Korea, Israel and Taiwan. The common point of these countries is that they are constantly threatened from the periphery. Strictly speaking, compulsory military service isn't democratic. Most people think the compulsory military service in not fair. They don't like joining the compulsory military service. Some are in favor of compulsory military service. Compulsory military service is needed for national defense. But the age of early 20s which going to the military is very important time in life. The age is the prime time to design his life. Why does the army need? The army exist for war. The war cause many people to die and harm. And so, the army should be disappear. Compulsory military service should be also abolished everywhere.

강사 첨삭

Hello, [이름]!
At first, I don\'t understand why Koreans are very sensitive about going to the military. Many also think bad about Korean men who don\'t fulfill their military duties. But now, I kind of understand although not totally. Another amazing writing job for today, you\'re jang!
Take care!
~T. Lynn
Why is compulsory military service required?
>>
correct!
The countries which have implemented compulsory military service all over the world is only Korea, Israel and Taiwan.
>> 
Korea, Israel and Taiwan are the only countries of the world which have compulsory military service.
The common point of these countries is that they are constantly threatened from the periphery.
>> correct!
Strictly speaking, compulsory military service isn\'t democratic.
>> correct!
Most people think the compulsory military service is not fair.
>> correct!
They don\'t like joining the compulsory military service.
>> correct!
Some are in favor of compulsory military service.
>> correct!
Compulsory military service is needed for national defense.
>> correct!
But the age of early 20s which going to the military is very important time in life.
>>
But the age of early 20s which is the time for going to the military is very important time in one\'s life.
The age is the prime time to design his life.
>> People at that age are on their prime to design their lives.
Why does the army need?
>> Why is the army needed?
The army exist for war.
>> correct!
The war cause many people to die and harm.
>> War causes many people to die and harm them.
And so, the army should be disappear.
>> And so, the army should disappear.
Compulsory military service should be also abolished everywhere.
>>
Compulsory military service should also be abolished everywhere.

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