concert
학생이 쓴 원문
I haven’t been to a typical indoor concert recently, but I did go to a music festival in Montreal.
It was pretty similar to a concert because there were live performances and a huge crowd. The most memorable performer was Hozier. He was the headliner on the second day of the festival.
My friend and I had a chance to get close to the barricade for his performance, so we were able to watch him really close. His live performance was incredible.
However, the venue was extremely crowded, so my friend kept getting pushed by people and eventually passed out. Because of that, I couldn’t watch his entire performance.
Even though I missed part of the show, the atmosphere at the festival was amazing, and it was still one of the most memorable live music experiences I’ve ever had.
강사 첨삭
Hello, Ms. [Name]! Your composition was really engaging to read. I could clearly imagine the energy of the festival and how exciting it must have been to get so close to the stage during Hozier’s performance. The part about your friend passing out also made the story feel very real and personal, which added emotion to the experience. Even though something unfortunate happened, I like how you ended the composition on a positive note and focused on the unforgettable atmosphere of the festival. Overall, it flowed naturally and felt vivid and authentic.
~T. Jenna
I haven’t been to a typical indoor concert recently, but I did go to a music festival in Montreal.
>>Correct
It was pretty similar to a concert because there were live performances and a huge crowd.
>>Correct
The most memorable performer was Hozier.
>>Correct
He was the headliner on the second day of the festival.
>>Correct
My friend and I had a chance to get close to the barricade for his performance, so we were able to watch him really close.
>>My friend and I had a chance to get close to the barricade for his performance, so we were able to watch him really closely.
His live performance was incredible.
>>Correct
However, the venue was extremely crowded, so my friend kept getting pushed by people and eventually passed out.
>>Correct
Because of that, I couldn’t watch his entire performance.
>>Correct
Even though I missed part of the show, the atmosphere at the festival was amazing, and it was still one of the most memorable live music experiences I’ve ever had.
>>Correct
***
I haven’t been to a typical indoor concert recently, but I did go to a music festival in Montreal. It felt very similar to a concert because there were live performances and a huge crowd. The most memorable performer was Hozier, who was the headliner on the second day. My friend and I were lucky enough to get close to the barricade, so we could see him really clearly. His live vocals were incredible, and the atmosphere was amazing because everyone was singing along together. However, the venue became extremely crowded, and people kept pu[이름]g forward. My friend eventually passed out because it was too overwhelming, so I had to leave the area before the performance ended. Even though I missed part of the show, it was still one of the most unforgettable live music experiences I’ve ever had.
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