^^
학생이 쓴 원문
Let me tell you about my mobile phone.
It has a lot of functions.
For example it can be used as a camera phone, an mp3, a TV phone, a call phone, a GPS and an internet phone.
It is small so it can be always with me.
While I lost it, I couldn't do all my work when I found it.
Because it is very expensive so I can't buy it again for a long time.
I like listening to music and watching movies on my mobile phone.
I think it is the most useful thing in the world.
If I don't have a mobile phone, my life would probably be different and difficult.
강사 첨삭
Hello [이름]!
You\'re really improving. Just make your point clear.
While I lost it, I couldn\'t do all my work when I found it. (This sentence is vague).
When I lost it, I couldn\'t do all my work. (better)
Teacher Venus^^
Let me tell you about my mobile phone.
>>>CORRECT
It has a lot of functions. >>>CORRECT
For example it can be used as a camera phone, an mp3, a TV phone, a call phone, a GPS and an internet phone.>>>CORRECT
It is small so it can be always with me.
>>>CORRECT
While I lost it, I couldn\'t do all my work when I found it.
>>>When I lost it, I couldn\'t do all my work.
Because it is very expensive so I can\'t buy it again for a long time.
>>>CORRECT
I like listening to music and watching movies on my mobile phone.
>>>CORRECT
I think it is the most useful thing in the world.
>>>CORRECT
If I don\'t have a mobile phone, my life would probably be different and difficult.
>>>CORRECT
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