Dairy 2

2015-07-09 · 첨삭 강사 Kris

학생이 쓴 원문

<Volcano> I watched volcano last year. But we saw again in the school.It was fun and a little boring.Some say it is scary.Three friends are begin crying.I think it is not a scary movie.The main character,president of the company is so nice. He make a great plant and finally success. I think the content is real.Some of them want to rescue their neighborhood.

강사 첨삭

Hi [이름] :D
A wonderful Day To You!

Thank you for sharing a short story about what you\'ve watched.
I can see that you were able to observe and remember the emotions of your friends while watching the movie
and that is truly a very good skill. Your being observant is an advantage to you wherever you go and whatever you do.

~~T. Kris


     Volcano
I watched volcano last year.
>> I watched a movie about volcanic eruptions last year.

 But we saw again in the school.
>> And we saw it again in school.

It was fun and a little boring.
>> CORRECT
OR: We found it fun and a little boring.

Some say it is scary.
>> Some says it\'s scary.

Three friends are begin crying.
>> Three of my friends begun crying.

I think it is not a scary movie.
>> CORRECT
OR: It\'s not really scary, it\'s actually exciting.

The main character,president of the company is so nice.
>> The main character who plays a role as a president of a company in the movie is nice.

He make a great plant and finally success.
>> He made great plans that led him to become successful.

 I think the content is real.
>> I think the movie is a true to life story.

Some of them want to rescue their neighborhood.
>> Some of the characters in the movie would want to rescue their neighbors.


Corrected:
    
I watched a movie about volcanic eruptions last year. And we saw it again in school. We found it fun and a little boring.
Some says it\'s scary. Three of my friends begun crying. It\'s not really scary, it\'s actually exciting.
The main character who plays a role as a president of a company in the movie is nice. He made great plans that led him to become successful.
I think the movie is a true to life story.  Some of the characters in the movie would want to rescue their neighbors.

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