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학생이 쓴 원문
Yes. I agreed with that there are more pros than cons. Nowadays, we live in flood of advanced technologies and use various logical system like tablets and computers. Furthermore, those are especially infuenced to children to improving our brain development.
Even many elderly people worry about that the using devices much more than outdoor activities, our life style is already changed before decade. However, we should consider about drawbacks to using tables and computers a lot. In my case, I am feeling that my eyes are getting worse because of those. Above all that, heath is the one of the most important to people. So that, we have to find the fittable balance to use them for enjoying their advantages.
강사 첨삭
Hi there Jay~! ^^ Happy Wednesday and thank you for accomplishing your essay~! Keep improving your ideas and how you put them to words! Have a good one~! ^^
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
Yes. I agreed with that there are more pros than cons.
>>> Yes. I agree with that. There are more pros than cons.
Nowadays, we live in flood of advanced technologies and use various logical system like tablets and computers.
>>> Nowadays, we live in flood of advanced technologies and the use of various logical system like tablets and computers.
Furthermore, those are especially influenced to children to improving our brain development.
>>> Furthermore, those are especially influenced to children to improve the brain development.
Even many elderly people worry about that the using devices much more than outdoor activities, our life style is already changed before decade.
Even many elderly people worry about that the using devices much more than outdoor activities, our life style is already changed before decade.
>>> Even many elderly people worry about the use of devices much more than outdoor activities. Our lifestyle has already changed compared to the past.
However, we should consider about drawbacks to use tables and computers a lot.
>>> CORRECT
In my case, I am feeling that my eyes are getting worse because of those.
>>> CORRECT
Above all that, heath is the one of the most important to people.
>>> Above all , heath is the most important to people.
So that, we have to find the fittable balance to use them for enjoying their advantages.
>>> So we have to find the suitable balance in using them to enjoy their advantages.
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