Dear [Name],
학생이 쓴 원문
Thank you for your advices.
It’s raining here. Today, I had an entrance ceremony. Because there is an entrance ceremony just once a year, I attended there today even if I entered a university last October. That was held in a kind of gymnasium, Nippon Budokan which was established in order to popularize Japan traditional martial arts. Many people including students’ parents gathered to see the ceremony.
Except too long speech of the university president, it was enjoyable. After a ceremony, I took several pictures for commemoration. And I came back a school.
By the way, I was horrible this morning. At that time, I’m so sorry for being unable to answer any questions. Tomorrow I will be better. Best regards, Julie.
강사 첨삭
Hello Julie,
I hope it will work well for you. Now I also know why you can’t speak louder. It is because of the Japanese thin walls. You should overcome your shyness; it’s ok to be shy in some other situations but not in learning.
I think the Entrance Ceremony is quite interesting. It is for freshmen, right? We also have the same ceremonies in some of our Universities. It is a way of welcoming new students to the University.
Thank you for sharing this event with me. I like it because I miss school and I wanted to go back to school one day. Have a wonderful day!
Sincerely yours,
T. Lirah
Thank you for your advices.
>>Correct.
It’s raining here. Today, I had an entrance ceremony.
>> It’s raining here now but today I attended the Entrance Ceremony.
Because there is an entrance ceremony just once a year, I attended there today even if I entered a university last October.
>> There is an entrance ceremony that happens once a year, so I attended the ceremony today even if I entered the University last October.
That was held in a kind of gymnasium, Nippon Budokan which was established in order to popularize Japan traditional martial arts.
>> It was held in a kind of gymnasium, Nippon Budokan which was established in order to popularize Japan’s traditional martial arts.
Many people including students’ parents gathered to see the ceremony.
>> Many people including students and the students’ parents gathered to see the ceremony.
Except too long speech of the university president, it was enjoyable.
>>Except for the very long speech of the University president, it was enjoyable.
After a ceremony, I took several pictures for commemoration. And I came back a school.
>>After the ceremony, I took several pictures for remembrance and then I went back to school.
By the way, I was horrible this morning. At that time, I’m so sorry for being unable to answer any questions. Tomorrow I will be better.
>>Correct.
Best regards, Julie.
>>Best regards,
Julie
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